Season 4, Episode 12: Pride Month, identity, and supporting your mental health – part 1
Pride Month is both a celebration and a reminder of the ongoing challenges faced by 2SLGBTQ+ communities.
In this episode of Living Fully, counsellor Rasha Taha explores the history of Pride, the importance of visibility, and how identity is shaped by both personal experiences and the world around us.
This episode also touches on how identity develops over time, the role curiosity and support plays in early self-discovery, and how mental health and identity are closely connected.
Finished this episode? Listen to part 2.
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Katherine Hurtig
Welcome to Living Fully. Each episode is a chance to talk about mental health in a way that's simple, honest, and helpful. We'll share stories, tips, and tools to help you feel supported and feel your best. I'm your host, Katherine Hurtig.
Today I’m talking with Rasha Taha, counsellor with Calgary Counselling Centre and Counselling Alberta, about LGBTQ+ mental health and the importance of Pride month. In this episode, we explore identity, self-understanding, and the emotional complexity of coming out, both to yourself and to others. We also talk about how experiences like acceptance, rejection, discrimination, and belonging can deeply affect mental health, and why curiosity, compassion, and community matter so much for people in the LGBTQ+ community.
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Today I'm here with counsellor Rasha Taha. Thanks for being here.
Rasha Taha
For sure, always.
Katherine Hurtig
So, June is Pride Month, and so we're going to be talking about that. And also, just LGBTQ+ mental health and unique challenges that this community can come up against when it comes to mental health. I'm excited to talk to you about this.
Rasha Taha
Me too.
Katherine Hurtig
So, to start off, can you talk to us a little bit about the history of Pride Month and kind of where that started?
Rasha Taha
Yeah. So just to start us off, LGBTQ2S+ folks, feel free to look it up. It's a mouthful. I will, throughout this episode, I will use queer and trans folks.
Katherine Hurtig
OK.
Rasha Taha
Just to avoid the alphabet and having to stumble through it.
Katherine Hurtig
Sounds good.
Rasha Taha
So, just kind of putting that out there. So, in terms of the history, it's actually really neat. And I don't know how widespread this fact is, that Pride started as a riot. So, a lot of people know this, but not a lot of people actually know that it started as a movement that was initiated by trans black women.
Katherine Hurtig
OK, I didn't know that before researching this episode.
Rasha Taha
Yeah, so it's really, really important to put that out there that Pride from the jump has been intersectional. And it's really important even to vocalize the names of these women. And so, I have them here. So, it was started by Sylvia Rivera, Miss Major, and Stormé DeLarverie. So, it's really important to be able to vocalize that in order to pay respect to those women who put their lives on the line in order for us to have the freedom to be able to love who we love and to have Pride. The raid that happened on June 28, 1969, in New York City, was at the Stonewall Inn. So that's when the riot broke out, started by these women, and it gained a lot of momentum. And then the first Pride marches were in 1970 since then.
Katherine Hurtig
It's wild to think about an occasion that we're really kind of used to now, like Pride Month, Pride celebrations, Pride parade. But to really look back at the origins of this and how it started, yeah, that's really important.
Rasha Taha
And of course, things evolve over time, but we need to be really mindful of acknowledging the history and acknowledging kind of ground zero of where this started. It started as a riot.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
It started a riot against police who were oppressing these folks.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
And so, it's important to be able to acknowledge that. Yes, today we celebrate Pride. We also need to celebrate the fact that it started as a riot, as a movement of resistance.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Rasha, why is it still important to recognize Pride today, to have that time every year to celebrate and acknowledge it?
Rasha Taha
We've definitely come a really long way since then, right? There's been a lot of groundbreaking rights coming through for queer and trans folks, and there's also been quite a bit of turmoil, and challenges, and bills, and laws passed against trans and queer folks. And so, it's still really important to increase visibility, to increase awareness of the challenges that folks experience within those communities.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, because I would think if you're not in the community, if you don't have someone in your life in the community, you can kind of think like, ‘Oh, well, we've made lots of strides. Like, you know, what's the big deal?’
Rasha Taha
Yeah, exactly. And yet, queer and trans folks still experience a ton of oppression. They experience discrimination. There are so many things that still... So many barriers that still get in the way of queer and trans folks being able to live their full, authentic lives. And even though, yes, I want to acknowledge the progress that we have made. And we still have a lot of work to do. And Pride is a time for us to celebrate, for us to be able to look back and acknowledge the work that has been done, and also for us to look towards the work that still needs to be done.
Katherine Hurtig
And you said there's been a lot of—I mean, the whole episode is what we're going to get into—But like you said, LGBTQ+ experience, oppression, and discrimination, that’s going to impact mental health, I would assume.
Rasha Taha
Of course, absolutely.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, huge. Rasha, what do you think people sometimes misunderstand about Pride Month or Pride celebrations in general?
Rasha Taha
I think kind of going back to what we talked about earlier, that it is just a party.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
That it is just, ‘Hey, it's a time for us to party and celebrate.’ And yes, absolutely. And there's a ton of awareness that we could be raising. There's a ton of education that we could be doing.
Katherine Hurtig
And when you say awareness, what does that mean to you?
Rasha Taha
To me, that means a bunch of things. But the first thing that comes to mind is elevating queer and trans voices and experiences.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
Bringing them to the surface, letting people know that we're here, that we exist in our full selves, that we are fighting every day to be able to do that. And so, elevate.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
Is really what comes up for me in terms of awareness is to put it on people's radars. And we do get June of each year to, in a way, unabashedly do that because it is known worldwide as Pride Month. So, we do get to be quite loud about it. Not to say we don't get to be loud the other months of the year, but it's a month for us to be able to really...
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, it's good to set aside that designated time.
Rasha Taha
Yeah, exactly.
Katherine Hurtig
So, when I hear LGBTQ+, like one of the things that comes to mind is this idea of identity. So, whether that's someone's gender or sexual orientation, like it's a part of who you are. And yeah, do you agree, is that a big part of it? Like, how someone identifies?
Rasha Taha
For sure.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah?
Rasha Taha
Exactly as you mentioned, it's a part of who they are. They are still a whole person.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
Outside of that and including that. I think sometimes we miss the mark on siloing people into a particular identity.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, like the label.
Rasha Taha
Yeah. And we completely miss the fact that they also have different roles in their lives. They also have different identities. And so, whenever we talk about intersectionality, this is something that comes up. The experience of a black woman is different than the experience of a white woman.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
And that's one intersection. And now add lots of different identities, and different intersections, and different cultural backgrounds, different XYZ, million and 10 things. And each person has a very unique set of identities that makes them, them. And that will shape how they move through the world. And that's something that we do need to take into consideration when talking about queer and trans folks is it's a part of their identity, and it takes up a different allotment of their lived experience, but it's not the entire thing.
Katherine Hurtig
Of course. And how does our identity, how we see ourselves, how we categorize ourselves, that kind of thing. How does that shape our mental health?
Rasha Taha
I think the two things are deeply intertwined because I think someone's mental health plays a part in them discovering their identity, coming to terms with their identity. I kind of see them as being super interwoven. And when I talk about mental health, it's such an integral part of who we are that it has a say in everything that we do, and everything that we experience, and all the reflections that we can have, and revelations about ourselves, and et cetera, et cetera. And so, someone learning about their identity, whether it's early on, whether it's later on in life, whenever it is, and our identity is always evolving and changing and doing all that fun stuff.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
But our mental health has a big say in how we get to kind of integrate that identity into our lived experience. And so, for example, let's say someone is experiencing a pretty intense bout of depression. They're likely not going out and expressing their identity in its fullest form. Let's say they're trans and at one point in time in their life, they were super proud of that. Then they experience a pretty intense bout of depression. Their gender expression might be stifled as a result of the depression.
Katherine Hurtig
Right.
Rasha Taha
So maybe through example, it's kind of, we're able to pinpoint a little bit more about the interwovenness between the two.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
And how one affects the other and vice versa.
Katherine Hurtig
Definitely, yeah. Rasha, so when I was a kid, obviously like, you know, when you're little, you don't really think about these things. But you know, you get a bit older, your self-identity starts forming, and these different pieces start coming together. Like I, at a certain point knew, ‘Hey, that boy is kind of cute.’ I'm attracted to boys. But my assumption is that kids and youth, if they experience a different identity, what challenges might come up if they realize they are attracted to the same gender or that they identify with a different gender, that kind of thing. Does that make sense?
Rasha Taha
Yes. I think this is definitely a multilayered, multifaceted question.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
Because we have to take into consideration how youth are socialized. Automatically, kids are gendered right off the bat based on their anatomy. And then they're put into particular boxes based off of that assigned gender.
Katherine Hurtig
For sure.
Rasha Taha
And so, for kids who are having experiences where they're finding themselves possibly falling outside of that ‘norm’ there can be a lot of confusion there.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
There can be a lot of, ‘Is it me? Am I weird or different in a bad way?’ And the way that people in their life respond to that, namely adults in their lives, respond to that is going to shape how they end up perceiving themselves and how that journey plays out. And so, kids who are ashamed for wanting to, let's say, put on different clothing that isn't necessarily for their, again, assigned gender. If they're shamed for that, then that's going to discourage them from wanting to delve deeper into what identity they may have.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
And when we put shame, and guilt, and those feelings onto it, we're not likely to want to explore it. There's an element of almost self-alienation of, ‘There's something wrong with me. I should bury it. I should not pay attention to this.’ And that leads to more therapy later on in life, right?
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
For folks to go through that self-realization of, ‘Oh, I am this. I am that.’ Whatever it may be, there's more hurdles in the way. So, I do think that how we as adults, caregivers, community members, how we specifically interact with kids and youth who are on this self-discovery journey, whatever their identity is, encouraging them, and giving them unconditional love and support is going to help them experience the least amount of turmoil through that. And it's going to help them feel seen and heard rather than feel shame, or guilt, or any kind of rejection about who they are.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. And what does that look like? I mean, I'm kind of thinking back to how I talked to my stepson when he was little. And we just tried to really normalize all of it. Some people have two dads, some people have two moms.
Rasha Taha
Yeah.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. How do you approach it with that love and normalizing, but also realizing that they are going to run into others that don't approach it the same way? They don't approach it as compassionately or—
Rasha Taha
I think that is ultimately the dance that parents, let's say specifically in this example, whether it's parents, or caregivers, or family, people who are in the lives of youth, that's the dance that they end up having to strike and having to balance of, ‘We want to show our kiddos unconditional love, and support, and care. And help them advocate for themselves.’ Especially when you take into consideration more rural areas, different cultural norms or different parts of the world where let's say religion plays a big part in how people get to love and exist. And I'm saying religion specifically here in terms of some organized religions don't ‘allow’ for different identities to exist.
Katherine Hurtig
Right, yeah.
Rasha Taha
And so, I think that is something that we contend with regarding we want kiddos and youth to be comfortable being themselves, and we want them to be able to stand up for themselves and advocate for themselves, and feel confident in who they are while still being able to risk manage, because there is some real...
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, right. Because we can't pretend that those challenges don't and won't exist.
Rasha Taha
Exactly, yes. We can't be naive about that because it is absolutely a matter of safety.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
And trans kids are, unfortunately, way more likely to experience harassment, and bullying, and et cetera, and et cetera. And real violence as a result of who they are. And so those are realities that we do need to talk about, we do need to put out there. While still being able to validate those identities and say you are allowed to be out, and proud, and loud about who you are while still being mindful of risk.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
So, it's just such a delicate balance that I wish we didn't have to do.
Katherine Hurtig
For sure, yeah.
Rasha Taha
But ultimately it is important to manage risk in that way.
Katherine Hurtig
For someone who is questioning or exploring, like whether this is a youth or adult, what kinds of support can make that process feel a bit safer, feel a bit more manageable?
Rasha Taha
I think, and this is something I wanted to also address in the previous question, I think folks stepping into curiosity. I genuinely do believe that for folks exploring themselves, being curious about that, and coming at it from a non-judgmental lens, but also for people in their lives, those people showing up in a curious way can be deeply supportive. Rather than making judgments, rather than making assumptions, recognizing that each person's unique lived experience is individualized for them. And while yes, we can have similarities with different experiences. Ultimately, being able to see each person for who they are, I think coming at it from that curious lens is going to help that person feel the most seen. Because your experience is different than my experience, even if we both share the same letter in the acronym.
Katherine Hurtig
Right, yeah. When someone decides to share their identity with others, what are some of the emotional, mental considerations that can come with that?
Rasha Taha
Again, quite layered. In general—
Katherine Hurtig
Every question in this is going to be so layered. This is a giant cake.
Rasha Taha
It's a rainbow cake.
Katherine Hurtig
Yes, yay!
Rasha Taha
I think that is something that is so dependent on context and people's unique experiences. And I think there's a misconception that once someone ‘comes out’ that's it.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
They’ve come out once and they're good to go.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha:
But in reality, folks have to come out all the freaking time.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
It's actually quite annoying.
Katherine Hurtig
Have you found that to be your own experience?
Rasha Taha
Oh, for sure. Absolutely.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah?
Rasha Taha
I've been out to myself for almost two decades now.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
Out to most people for about the same, like out to the world, for about the same time. And it's not just, ‘Oh, when I found this out, I get to just tell my people and that's it.’
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
Because you meet new people, you’re out in different parts of life. These things come up. People go, ‘Oh, are you queer?’ Yes, I am. ‘Oh, how did you know?’ OK, go through the story again, and again, and again.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
And so, it's not just a one and done. You don't just get to wear a badge on your head that tells the world that this is how you identify. Sometimes I think it would be easier if that was the case for me.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
But I think that people underestimate that it's a constant process that people go through for most of their life if that's what they choose. If they choose to be visibly out, let's say, or if they choose to talk about it. And sometimes it could just be easier to choose to not talk about it. And that's OK.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
It doesn't make someone less queer, less trans, whatever it may be.
Katherine Hurtig
For sure.
Rasha Taha
Just you don't always have to go to bat every single time someone asks you.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
We're allowed to say, ‘You know, I don't feel like talking about it.’
Katherine Hurtig
That's a really good point to me.
Rasha Taha
Yeah, ‘I'm XYZ, and you know, I don't really want to talk more about that.’
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, for sure.
Rasha Taha
We don’t have to explain or justify ourselves to people just because they're asking. And we can do that, obviously, respectfully.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
But people aren't owed our stories. And that applies for everyone. That's not just for queer and trans folks. That's every one of every walk of life. We don't owe anyone else our story. We choose to share our story.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. And that question, ‘How did you know?’ Is that one you get a lot?
Rasha Taha
For sure.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah?
Rasha Taha
I think, and again, that's something that's so unique person. My journey looks so different than other people's journeys.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
And yeah, while we tie string in between one person and the next, and there's some familiarity or there's some commonality between one experience and the next, it wouldn't be... it's not fair to say, ‘Oh, everyone's experience who falls under this particular subcategory of the queer identity experiences X.’ Because it depends on whether they're out, depends on their family supports, it depends on their friends, it depends on their place of work.
Katherine Hurtig
Like so many things.
Rasha Taha
I can list probably thousands of things—
Katherine Hurtig
For sure.
Rasha Taha
That will play a part in how they experience themselves and their identities.
Katherine Hurtig
I guess, like you said, that curiosity, as people we want to understand, and we want to put things in boxes and labels just to better understand an experience that's not our own.
Rasha Taha
Yeah, absolutely.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. How can coming out both to ourselves or to other people, how can it bring a sense of relief, but also new stress and vulnerability?
Rasha Taha
I think exactly like you identified. A sense of relief can be a factor of being able to come to terms with an identity that a person has been able to name. And also recognizing that it's not a switch of, ‘Yay, I am this. No, I am not.’
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
I can speak for myself when I realized I was queer, like, ‘OK, yay!’ But then there's the lived experience of what it's like to move through the world with that identity.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
And in a way, living that identity and exploring that identity has been a constant process over the last couple of decades of my life. And looking back on 20 something year old me, looking at ‘Oh, I am queer.’ I had a very different understanding of it back then than I do now. And so that's why I like to see it as a journey.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
Because it has been a journey that has evolved over time as I have grown to learn more about myself, more about how I relate with other people, what I like, what I don't like, etc.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
So, there's so many different factors that play into it.
Katherine Hurtig
And that coming out process to other people, and let's just kind of limit this to people you're close with, family and friends. How can their reaction to that... what impact can that have on mental health? Like if they approach it with curiosity, or acceptance, or something else?
Rasha Taha
Yeah. My absolute favourite response to, let's say, again, using myself as an example. Me saying, ‘Hey, I am XYZ.’ Whatever it may be, is, ‘Cool.’ Onwards we go.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
And yes, obviously curiosity is wonderful, and we love it. And there's something to be said about and just not making... not putting a spotlight on it all the time.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Because, like you said, it's just one part of us.
Rasha Taha
Yeah.
Katherine Hurtig
Right?
Rasha Taha
Yeah. I think just the normalizing part of it. It's like you saying, ‘Hey, I like pizza.’ Obviously, it's not the same, but it's like, ‘Cool.’ Onwards we go.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
Like can we approach it with a similar acceptance of, ‘It's not a big fuss, it's not a big deal.’ While still recognizing that it is something that is unique to someone. So, I know I'm probably... there's maybe some element of like ‘contradiction’ of don't make it a big deal, but it is a big deal.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, it's hard.
Rasha Taha
It is because we don't want to dismiss it, but we also don't want to shine a spotlight on it and make it someone's entire identity, entire existence. And so, I do think it is a constant balance, constant dance of yes, it's great, and there's so much more to you that makes you, you.
Katherine Hurtig
Right.
Rasha Taha
While not dismissing that this is an important part of you that has a big role in how you live your life. It’s not a ‘but’ it’s ‘and.’
Katherine Hurtig
Like, I think of it a little bit like how we've approached racism. We want to go about and treat everyone as equal, but at the same time we have to recognize that people of colour also have different lived experience and encounter challenges that white people don't.
Rasha Taha
Yeah, bingo. You hit that right on the head.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah? OK.
Rasha Taha
Absolutely. But I think you hit it on the head because, again, this is identity. And you're also talking about an element of intersectionality where if we were looking at racism as one piece, let's say people of colour, and we're putting a catch-all people of colour, but obviously there's a billion subcategories of that.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
But let's say for people of colour, while we want to acknowledge you are human, you have rights, you have experiences that are your own, you have people who you love, blah, blah, blah. Just normal human experience. And your culture, your skin tone, where you live in the world, all of those factors, and then some, are going to play a huge part in how you move through the world.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
So again, it’s an ‘and’ rather than a ‘but.’ It's the exact same thing. And we can then add more layers to it. So, if we look at queer people of colour, trans people of colour. Now we're just adding more complexity, more intersections to it, where we're looking at queer and trans people of colour as having their own unique identities, that are shaped by those intersections of the identities. And they are still human who deserve love, and kindness, and respect, and basic human rights, and housing, and, and, and.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. So, it's the normalizing but also keeping in mind all those other layers, as we like.
Rasha Taha
This can be a good segue to talking about love is love. Where kind of coming back to Pride, coming back to Pride Month, Pride celebration. I think that when we say, and by ‘we’ I mean people, whether it’s people celebrating Pride, whether it’s allies, advocates, people in the community. When we say love is love, I think it’s really appealing to say, ‘Hey, we're the same as everyone else. We deserve love in the same way that everyone else does.’ And I want to add an asterisk in there—
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
To be able to recognize that queer and trans love is different.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
And it has, again, ‘and’ not ‘but.’ It has unique challenges that exist as a result of those identities. And it's not a bad thing, it's just different. And I think we need to make room for that difference rather than sliding it under the normative, ‘Love is love. We love just like you straight people or cis people.’
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
Not quite, because we don't. And it's not a bad thing.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Rasha Taha
It's just a different kind of love, and it's all beautiful, and it's all accepted, and we want it to be seen as a normal part of society. We just also need to recognize that it has different layers to it. And that's OK.
Katherine Hurtig
Because, yeah, like I mean, we love catchphrases, right? And that's definitely...
Rasha Taha
It's appealing.
Katherine Hurtig
That's yeah, that's connected to Pride. It’s really hard to simplify things that are so complex. Yeah.
Rasha Taha
We just live in one big nuance.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
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You've been listening to Living Fully, a Calgary Counselling Centre podcast. Thank you for tuning in.
This episode was produced by Layla Ruggles, Luiza Campos, Julianna Adair, Jenna Forbes, and by me, Katherine Hurtig. A special thanks to Rasha Taha.
Tune in on June 23rd as we continue our conversation on LGBTQ+ mental health and Pride Month.
Rasha Taha
Queer and trans folk are incredibly resilient, they’re incredibly creative, and they have been surviving for eons. It’s really paramount to acknowledge that we have always found ways to continue existing, despite oppression, despite discrimination, despite real threats and violence. Just by folks being themselves. I see that as a source of hope.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
...
To stay up to date on our latest episodes, be sure to subscribe. We're available in your favourite podcast app. Living Fully is a production of Calgary Counselling Centre and recorded in Calgary on Treaty 7 territory. Living Fully podcast is not a substitute or alternative for professional care or treatment. Calgary Counselling Centre and Counselling Alberta provide effective counselling to anyone in Alberta with no wait list and no financial barriers. Find us online at calgarycounselling.com and counsellingalberta.com. For help across Canada and the United States, call 211. If you are outside of Canada and the U.S., seek help from your general medical practitioner.