Helping kids understand big emotions
Slammed doors. Tears over broken crayons. A wave of frustration that seems to come out of nowhere. Sound familiar?
Raising kids means navigating a lot of big emotions. One minute things feel fine, and the next, your child is overwhelmed or shutting down without saying why. In these moments, it can be hard to know what to do or why your child is acting this way. And the truth is, your child might not know either.
Kids feel emotions just as deeply as adults, and sometimes even more so. But unlike adults, they don’t have the tools to name, understand, or manage those feelings. That’s something they learn over time, and they need our help to do it.
So how can you support your child through those emotional moments?
What’s really going on when kids feel overwhelmed?
When something stressful happens, kids don’t always have the words to explain what they’re feeling. That’s because their brain is still developing and they’re learning how to pause, reflect, and regulate their emotions.
In the meantime, kids often react more emotionally, which can make their responses quick and intense. Even small things, like a toy breaking or a parent saying “no,” can trigger a response of fight, flight, or freeze.
These moments aren’t about being defiant or dramatic. They’re about children not yet being regulated. And that’s where you come in.
Co-regulation and helping your child calm down
One of the most helpful things you can do when your child is overwhelmed is co-regulation: staying calm, staying close, and helping them understand and move through the emotion.
That might look like sitting beside them and saying, “I can see this is really hard for you. Let’s take a few deep breaths together.”
You can also try a calming activity like rainbow breathing: breathe in while raising your arms like a rainbow, hold, then breathe out as you lower them. It’s calming, visual, and engaging for kids to follow.
Everyday ways to build emotional understanding
Helping your child understand emotions doesn’t only happen in hard moments. In fact, some of the best times to practice is during calm, everyday moments. Here’s a few simple ways to get started:
Validate their feelings:
Let your child know that all emotions are okay––even the big, messy, or uncomfortable ones. When they’re upset, instead of brushing it off with “You’re fine” or “Don’t cry,” try acknowledging what they’re feeling. This can look like saying, “I can see you’re really upset that your toy broke. That makes sense since it was one of your favourites.”
When kids feel heard and accepted, they learn that emotions aren’t something to be ashamed of or pushed away.
Help them name what they’re feeling:
Once your child is calmer, you can begin naming emotions. You could say, “It seemed like you felt really frustrated when your block tower fell. Is that what was going on?”
Helping kids name emotions gives them language to describe what they’re feeling, and that makes those feelings less scary.
Model how you would deal with hard feelings:
Expressing your own feelings helps kids normalize their experiences. For example, you could try saying:
“I felt nervous before a meeting today, so I took a few minutes for myself to take some deep breaths and have a glass of water. That helped me feel more ready.”
This helps show your child that emotions are normal, even the uncomfortable ones, and there’s ways to manage them.
When things don’t go perfectly
No parent handles every situation perfectly, and that’s okay. We’re all human. What matters most is how you repair things afterwards.
If you raised your voice or reacted negatively to a situation, try saying, “I got frustrated and raised my voice with you when I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry. I want us to move forward and figure this out together.”
Research shows that repairs like this help kids remember the situation differently, so that it’s a positive one where they feel safe and heard.
You don’t have to figure it out alone
Supporting your child through big feelings doesn’t mean you need to have all the answers. It means showing up with care and curiosity, and knowing when to reach out for support.
To make these conversations a little easier, we’re introducing Quotie! They’re a friendly, approachable character created to help kids and families explore emotions in a way that feels safe and simple. Whether it’s through games, visuals, or take-home tools, Quotie is here to help you talk about emotions and what to do with them. Learn more and download Quotie’s tools here!
If you or your child need extra support, we’re here to help! At Calgary Counselling Centre, our counsellors work with children and parents to build emotional tools that are age appropriate and set the family up for success. With the right support, big feelings become less overwhelming and more manageable. Take the first step and reach out to us today!
Information for this blog was provided by registered social workers Aja Manning and Nicole Ward. Learn more about our counsellors