Why chasing perfection holds us back
In today’s world, there’s a lot of pressure to “have it all together.” Whether it’s at work, school, or online, we’re often expected to perform perfectly and keep everything under control. But this pressure can leave us feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and disconnected from ourselves.
Why does perfection feel like the norm?
These days, it can seem like perfection is just the way life is meant to be. That feeling comes from the pressures and expectations we experience in our society and online. On social media, we tend to just share and see the best moments; perfect photos, big successes, and polished versions of life. When all we see are the highlight reels, it’s easy to start believing that everyone else has it all figured out.
This constant push can make perfectionism feel like a requirement. But this expectation isn’t realistic or healthy. Nobody is perfect all the time. Everyone struggles and everyone has off days. Trying to meet impossible standards can leave us feeling worn out and disconnected or emotionally distant. This pressure can make it harder for us to learn from mistakes or new experiences,, grow, and be kind to ourselves because we’re stuck in self-criticism and the inevitable disappointment of not being able to be perfect.
Why perfectionism can be harmful
When the focus is on trying to be perfect, it leaves little room for learning, growth, or simply being human. Many high achievers feel like they have to hide mistakes or struggles because they don’t fit the image of success.
This constant push to be perfect can cause:
Burnout and stress
Isolation and avoiding vulnerability
Difficulty asking for help or taking breaks
Letting go of achievement pressure
Letting go means giving yourself permission to be human. It means accepting that mistakes are part of growing. It means being kind to yourself, even when things don’t go perfectly.
Here are some ways to start releasing perfectionism:
Notice your inner voice. When you notice you’re being too hard on yourself, pause and think about what you would say to a friend feeling this way.
Set small, realistic goals. Instead of aiming for perfect, aim for progress. Celebrate your small wins.
Allow room for mistakes. Remind yourself that every mistake is a chance to learn something new.
Practice self-compassion. When you slip up, treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer someone you care about.
A different way to define success
Rather than measuring your worth by your results or achievements, try shifting your focus to your overall well-being. Success can be about more than just outcomes. It can mean:
Being able to learn from setbacks
Finding balance between work and rest
Being kind and patient with yourself
Self-compassion doesn’t mean lowering your standards, it means understanding that success is not a straightforward forward trajectory, everyone’s journey includes ups and downs. When you allow yourself to be imperfect, you build a stronger foundation for long-term well-being.
You don’t have to do this alone
It can help to talk about these feelings with someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or counsellor. Vulnerability is a sign of strength. It helps break down the unrealistic idea that everyone has to be perfect.
Small actions, like checking in with a friend or sharing your own struggles, can make a big difference in creating supportive spaces where everyone feels safe to be human.
Information for this blog was provided by registered social worker, Sarah Rosenfeld, and registered psychologist, Lisa McIsaac. Learn more about our counsellors.