Finding your footing: coping with the pressures of your 20s

Your 20s are often painted as a time of freedom and endless opportunity, but the reality can feel very different. It’s common to feel lost, overwhelmed, or even isolated. You might wonder, why does this time feel so hard when it’s supposed to be good?

The truth is, you’re not alone. These feelings are part of growing, and there are ways to make it feel a little easier.

Why change feels so big in your 20s

For many of us, childhood and the teenage years were filled with structure and predictability. You went to school, maybe had a few activities, came home, ate dinner, and did it all again. But in your 20s, how you spend your time is often up to you. You’re making your own choices; about school, work, relationships, and where to live. That freedom can feel exciting, but also scary.

This stage of life often comes with major transitions. It’s a time full of possibility but also changes and uncertainty.

Common transitions that can feel overwhelming

Everyone’s path is different, but here are some changes many people face in their 20s:

  • Moving out or away from family

  • Starting or ending relationships

  • Managing school or work on your own

  • Applying for jobs

  • Feeling distant from old friends or unsure about new ones

It’s completely normal to feel unsure of yourself during times of change. You might notice that things you once felt confident about now feel unfamiliar. Maybe you used to love cooking at home, but now in a new kitchen, nothing turns out quite right. Maybe you were always the one cracking jokes in a group, but lately, you find yourself staying quiet. It doesn’t mean you’ve lost who you are, you’re adapting and learning.

Feeling lost or behind? You’re not alone

Comparing yourself to others can make you feel like you’re behind, but everyone’s path is going to look different.

It’s easy to compare when you’re constantly seeing highlight reels of other people’s lives; their promotions, relationships, travels, or milestones. But comparison often skips context. It overlooks the struggles, doubts, and detours that others don’t always share. Measuring yourself against others can chip away at your self-esteem, making you question your own pace and worth. But your journey is valid, even if it looks different. Growth isn’t always visible, sometimes it’s happening quietly, beneath the surface.

Your 20s aren’t about having it all figured out, they’re about discovering who you’re becoming.

How to let go of the pressure to “have it all together”

If you’re feeling stuck or unsure, try to remember:

  • You’re just getting started.

  • You have time to figure things out.

  • ·Your version of “figured out” will change over time.

  • It’s okay to grow slowly, change your mind, and not know what’s next.

Tips for navigating big life changes

Whether you’re graduating, starting over in a new city, or ending a relationship, it’s normal to feel a little disoriented. Here are some ways to stay connected to yourself and find steadiness in the midst of change:

Tune into your inner voice: Change can stir up uncertainty, and that’s okay. Give yourself space to feel what you’re feeling, even if it’s messy or unclear. Journaling, quiet time, or simply naming your emotions can help you reconnect with your sense of self

Reach out to others: You don’t have to go through this alone. Talk to friends, even if it’s been a while. A simple check-in or shared memory can remind you of the support system you still have.

Lean into nostalgia: Revisit places, playlists, or routines that once brought you comfort. Nostalgia can remind you of who you’ve been and how far you’ve come.

Try something new: Whether it’s a hobby, a walking path, or a new restaurant, small acts of exploration can help you feel more present in your current chapter. New experiences can spark joy and help you build fresh connections to your environment.

Be “social-ish”: Go to the same park or coffee shop regularly. You’ll start to see familiar faces without needing deep conversations.

This is just the beginning

Your 20s are full of change. That can feel scary, but it’s also a chance to grow. You’re building decision-making skills, learning how to manage uncertainty, and discovering who you are. You don’t need to have it all figured out.

And if you ever feel stuck, we are here to support you.

Information for this blog was provided by registered social worker, Sharona Pilmeister. Learn more about our counsellors.

adminyoung adult, stress, self awareness, self esteem