Why we feel lonely even when we aren’t alone
Loneliness is one of those emotions that sneaks up on you. You can be surrounded by people you love, participating in a group chat that never seems to sleep, or sitting in a busy office — and still feel completely disconnected. That disconnect can feel confusing. After all, if you have people in your life, why would you feel lonely?
Loneliness is a lack of meaningful connection. It isn’t about how many people you know or how often your phone buzzes. It’s about whether you feel seen, understood, and valued in the relationships you have.
Loneliness often appears when the quality of our relationships doesn’t match what we need. We may be talking to people all day long, but if none of those conversations satisfy the part of us that wants real closeness, the loneliness lingers.
Many people assume loneliness is a personal failing — something they should “get over” or fix on their own. But loneliness is deeply tied to our sense of belonging. When we don’t feel connected, it impacts the parts of us that crave identity, acceptance, and emotional safety.
Why loneliness feels so heavy
When you go long stretches without meaningful connection, it can chip away at self-worth, increase anxiety and depression, and make it harder to reach out — which then deepens the isolation.
It becomes a loop:
I feel disconnected → I feel worse → I pull back → I feel more disconnected.
Breaking that loop requires intention, not perfection.
Small steps matter more than we think
The antidote to loneliness isn’t about suddenly finding a soulmate-friend or completely rewiring your social life. It’s about small, honest efforts to connect.
Some ways to start:
A tiny conversation: Go one inch beyond your usual “Hi, can I get a coffee?” to your usual barista. Ask them how their day is going. It’s a simple, low-pressure action that can give you a small sense of accomplishment when being more social feels intimidating, and, if you keep practicing it, those tiny moments can eventually lead to deeper connections.
Turning toward people already in your life: Ask a coworker to go for lunch. Talk about that upcoming assignment with a classmate who sits next to you. You don’t have to create entirely new relationships from scratch.
Being gently proactive: Invite someone to join you for something you’re already doing — a walk, a fitness class, an errand. Just create an opportunity to share space.
Volunteering: Helping others creates a sense of purpose, and it often opens doors to new relationships organically.
Why naming loneliness matters
One of the most healing things we can do is simply acknowledge the feeling. We often assume we’re the only one struggling, but loneliness is a nearly universal experience. When you talk about it, even just with a counsellor, you break the silence around it.
Naming it gives you agency. It lets you say:
“This is how I feel. And I can take steps to shift it.”
A place to practice connection
Counselling can be a helpful first step because it gives you a safe, nonjudgmental place to explore vulnerability. You get to practice being open. You get to feel what it’s like to be listened to deeply. And that experience can make it easier to seek connection outside the counselling room.
Loneliness doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means you’re human — wired for closeness, longing to feel understood. And even if it feels like you’re the only one going through it, you’re actually in good company. So many of us are quietly craving the same thing.
If loneliness has been weighing on you and you’re ready for support, registering for counselling can be a meaningful way to take that first step toward feeling better.
Information for this blog was provided by registered social workers Sarah Rosenfeld and Rasha Taha. Learn more about our counsellors.