Progress without the pressure
January has a way of showing up with a lot of expectations. New goals. New routines. A “fresh start.” By the time the calendar flips, it can feel like you should be more motivated, more organized, and more optimistic than you actually are.
But for many people, the start of the new year doesn’t feel fresh at all. It can feel heavy.
After the rush of the holidays, January settles in with cold days, financial stress, disrupted routines, and not a lot of daylight. Then when you add the pressure of big resolutions and self-improvement, it’s easy to feel like you’re already behind before the month ends.
That pressure often comes from “shoulds.”
I should be happier.
I should have a plan.
I should be doing more.
These aren't just thoughts—they're judgments. While setting big goals for yourself can feel motivating at first, they often create stress, guilt, and self-criticism instead of meaningful, lasting change.
Why “shoulds” are so exhausting
“Shoulds” tend to focus on how we think we’re supposed to feel or act, rather than what’s actually realistic for where we’re at. They leave little room for rest, uncertainty, mistakes, or the messy reality of being human.
At the start of the year, this can show up as:
Pushing yourself to make big changes when you’re already running on empty
Comparing your progress to others
Feeling like struggling means you’re failing
When we compare ourselves to others or place unrealistic expectations on ourselves during a time that can already feel heavy, it often leads to more pressure and less progress.
Reframing your mindset for the new year
Letting go of “shoulds” doesn’t mean letting go of growth or goals all together. It means approaching change with more compassion and realistic expectations.
Instead of asking, What should I be doing right now? try asking:
What do I have the capacity for this month?
What’s one small thing that I can work on?
What’s one small habit I can start building?
What would feel supportive instead of overwhelming?
What’s working right now and what’s not?
Progress doesn’t have to be dramatic to be impactful.
Small, consistent steps tend to be more sustainable than big, drastic changes. That might look like:
Making small changes to your routine rather than overhauling your schedule
Prioritizing basic self-care like sleep, nutrition, and movement
Setting boundaries around time, energy, or expectations
Recognizing that progress matters more than perfection
Making space for where you are
Remember that you don’t need to have everything figured out in January. Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do is give yourself permission to try things and see what does and doesn’t work for you, without holding yourself to unattainable standards.
Letting go of “shoulds” creates space for you to figure out what works best for you. It also gives you a chance to reflect on what’s hard, what you need, and what support might look like right now.
If the start of the year feels heavier than expected, you don’t have to push through it alone. Talking with a counsellor can help you unpack pressure, set realistic goals, and find ways to move forward that actually fits your lifestyle.
At Calgary Counselling Centre, we offer support with flexible fees and no waitlist, so you can get help when you need it. Reach out to us to get started.
Information for this blog was provided by registered psychologist Lisa McIsaac. Learn more about our counsellors.