Coping with social anxiety

group of young friends socializing

It’s Saturday night and you have plans with your best friend. You get a text from them, “Hey, I just got an invite to a party! Let’s go!”

Suddenly you’re flushed and your hands are sweating. You’re not sure why - you’re young, and you should be excited to go out, have fun, and meet new people. But lately, the thought of socializing and being around a bunch of strangers has the power to send you into a spiral.

You begin to picture how the night will go. Asking yourself:

  • Will I say the wrong thing?

  • Are people going to think I’m boring?

  • Is my outfit right?

  • What if I wind up standing in a corner by myself?

If these thoughts have raced through your head, know that you’re not alone! These thoughts are often difficult because simply telling ourselves to calm down doesn’t always work. It’s important to have tools, aside from words, that tell our nervous system that we are safe, we are okay.

Why social connection is important

Anyone, regardless of age, can feel socially anxious, however, young people, have especially struggled with this issue in light of the pandemic. Specifically the eldest of Generation Z, which includes birth years from 1997 to 2012. If this sounds like you, you’ve most likely had years of college, university, or early work interrupted by the pandemic. In addition to lack of social life and social development. These feelings may cause you to suffer severe feelings of isolation as well as anxiety.

Socialization is key in all periods of our life, particularly, as we enter our formative years, it is what helps us push past our comfort zone and opens us up to new people and new experiences. COVID-19 and the isolation that came with it perpetuated a feeling of uneasiness.

Practice makes perfect and without the practice of socializing we are left floundering.  A lead cause of social anxiety is not knowing what to do or how to act in a given situation.  So without the opportunity to practice socializing it's common to have social anxiety levels increase.

Due to the pandemic, many young people missed out on opportunities that were either, cancelled, moved online, or just different. They  missed celebrations like graduations,  experienced  completely virtual post-secondary classes, or  struggled to adjust in their early career.

group of friends on vacation together

Knowing when to get help

Anxiety can manifest in many different ways. Some signs you can spot during a social situation are:

  • Sweating (hands, armpits, back of the neck)

  • Feeling flushed or warm

  • Rapid heart beat

  • Lots of negative thoughts

  • Fast-paced speech

  • Trembling

  • Fidgeting

  • Physically withdrawing from conversations

If you’re feeling this way one of the best things you can do is find someone you feel most comfortable with and let them know how you’re feeling. Work with them to find a solution that works for you - this might be asking them to help you find a ride home or getting them to introduce you to others. If you see these signs in someone else, do the same!

If someone is having ongoing struggles with social anxiety they may continue to withdraw from social situations. This may look like:

  • Making excuses to stay home

  • Justifying why they don’t want to participate: “I’m too tired” or “Work is busy”

  • Cancelling plans

  • Getting to the venue and waiting outside unable to join

  • Avoiding making plans in the first place

  • Only socializing when it’s more accessible (e.g., at a friend’s place, walking distance)

How to manage

There are many ways you can manage social anxiety. Here are tangible things you can do:

Yawning. Yes, yawning. Yawning is a psychological trick that can be used to tell our nervous system that we are okay, we’re safe. Share this tip with friends, and use it yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Radical acceptance and leaning in. Though it seems counterintuitive, one of the best ways to conquer our anxiety is to accept it, and tell ourselves it is a valid emotion and it is not a “bad thing” that we feel this way. We can do this by leaning into the situations that make us feel uneasy. If you find yourself walking up to a party and feeling anxious, tell yourself that is okay, and push yourself to talk to people you don’t know. This may be harder to do at first but sometimes jumping in can be the best way to push our anxiety aside. If you find these quick tips are not working for you, it might be time to seek help. Counsellors can help you strategize and build a tailored plan to tackle your social anxiety and get more comfortable pushing your boundaries.

Information for this blog post was provided by registered social workers, Ledja Pengu and Amy Ramler. Learn more about our counsellors.

Blogadminanxiety