Season 3, Episode 15: Supporting Teen Mental Health in the Age of Social Media
Social media is part of everyday life, but the constant comparisons, late-night scrolling, and pressure to post can take a toll—especially on teens. In this episode, Katherine sits down with counsellors Mansi Saini and Krystal Blacklock to explore the impact of scrolling on teen mental health—and what can help.
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Katherine Hurtig
Welcome to Living Fully. Each episode is a chance to talk about mental health in a way that's simple, honest, and helpful. We'll share stories, tips, and tools to help you feel supported and feel your best. I'm your host, Katherine Hurtig.
Social media. It helps us stay connected and express ourselves, but it can also quietly chip away at our confidence, especially for teens and young adults. In this episode, we're talking about social media and the impact it can have on teen mental health and self-esteem, why online comparison is so hard to avoid, and what the pressure of likes and followers can do to our sense of worth. We'll also explore how to recognize when social media is doing more harm than good, how to set boundaries that actually stick, and ways to support healthier digital habits.
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I am here with a couple of our social workers, Mansi Saini and Krystal Blacklock. Thank you so much for being here.
Krystal Blacklock
Thank you for having us.
Mansi Saini
It's a pleasure to be here.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, so you guys haven't been on the podcast before. Really excited to have you. Tell us a bit about yourselves.
Mansi Saini
So as you said, my name is Mansi. I'm one of the staff counsellors here at Calgary Counselling Centre and Counselling Alberta. I did my residency here back in 2021 and got hired as a staff. I'm a registered social worker and I'm registered with the Alberta College of Social Workers.
Katherine Hurtig
Excellent. Yeah, and very similarly, I did my internship here as a student in 2023. And then I've been staff here for a year. I'm also a social worker with the Alberta College of Social Workers and a counsellor.
Katherine Hurtig
Excellent.
Krystal Blacklock
Calgary Counselling Centre and Counselling Alberta.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. So social media, it's been around for a while now. And it seems like more and more people are using it all the time, especially young people. How can the way that they use social media impact mental health, self-esteem, that kind of thing?
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah, I think it's interesting because I feel that there's so many ways. I mean, comparison is such an obvious one, I think, that we talk about a lot. Yeah, I think we'll, yeah, we can say more about that. But I think what actually affects the most is the opportunity cost. So what they're missing out on.
Katherine Hurtig
Okay, yeah.
Krystal Blacklock
By using social media so much and how that affects people's self-esteem.
Katherine Hurtig
Oh, what they're missing out on as in like what they could be doing instead of being on social media.
Krystal Blacklock
Exactly. Like all the time that's spent on social media that would otherwise be spent doing other things.
Katherine Hurtig
Right.
Krystal Blacklock
Engaging with people in real life, you know, building a tree fort with your brother, like whatever that happens to be. Teenagers and kids are missing out on those experiences and then the impact of that on their mental health and their self-esteem seems to be a really important part of what's happening.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. And like, we're going to be focusing on, on teens, but a lot of this I think can apply to anyone. Like I know, I know that when I spend too much time on social media, it definitely impacts the way I feel. And so I'm hoping everyone can take lessons away from this conversation. You talked about comparison. What's happening there? How can that impact youth?
Mansi Saini
I think it can have a negative impact on youth, especially when we're just glued to our screens and we're comparing our life with other people's life that we're seeing on social media. And I think a lot of it is just, you know, realizing that it's just a highlight reel.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Mansi Saini
And not a lot of heart of the reality.
Katherine Hurtig
Right.
Mansi Saini
One part of their experience, they might be going through a lot that we're not even aware of. Right.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Mansi Saini
And I think when we compare ourselves with other people, it creates feelings of like dissatisfaction with your own lives. Yeah. Or that low self-esteem or, you know, you might feel inadequate in some ways or the other, or you might not feel very confident in yourself.
Katherine Hurtig
I noticed that with my stepson, even at a young age, you would watch a lot of YouTube, still does. Like back in the day, it was a lot of YouTube videos of artists like doing sketches and stuff, which is great. He got really inspired and he's very talented. But what I found is that he would get really discouraged and disappointed that his art didn't look like these people's. And there was just kind of this assumption that he was going to get it right away. He was going to excel at this right away like these people did. But yeah, you're only seeing the end result. You're not seeing the hours and hours of work that go into building that skill.
Mansi Saini
Yeah, I think that whole idea and trying to understand that different people have different lives and different experiences. And my experience can look very different from other people's experiences. And we all have strengths and weaknesses, right? So instead of comparing yourself to other people, how we can see, you know, like the growth that we have made over the years for ourselves.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. And why is it so easy for us to compare ourselves to others online? Even when we know that what we're seeing is just a highlight reel. Like we can go in thinking like, I know this is, you know, we're not seeing them on their bad days, but we still are like, no, their life is better than mine. Why is that so easy?
Krystal Blacklock
I mean, even without social media, I feel like part of our nature as humans is that we do compare ourselves. And there's a lot of conversation, right, about comparison being the thief of joy and all of that. But reality is that we do, like there is a tendency that we have to compare ourselves. And what tends to happen is that, you know, we we’re always monitoring like ourselves against whatever standard we have.
Katherine Hurtig
Right.
Krystal Blacklock
And when that we see ourselves not meeting it, then anxiety kicks in to help us like come back up to that standard of performance, like whether it's at a job or whatever it happens to be. But social media then like just there's an explosion of things you can compare yourself to now. Yeah, there's so much. Or yeah, like before maybe your stepson would only be able to compare himself and his art to his classmates or like an older sibling.
Katherine Hurtig
Exactly.
Krystal Blacklock
Or something like that, where now there's endless experts and people who are posting that we can compare ourselves to. So I think comparison is kind of a natural thing that happens and can be a helpful thing to motivate us to improve.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, a certain amount of comparison is okay.
Krystal Blacklock
And then social media just exploits that in ways that heightens that anxiety in a way that's not helpful. Yeah. And how can social media and the type of content that teens are consuming on social media and the way that they use these platforms, how can that kind of shape the way that the teens see themselves?
Mansi Saini
I think it can have a both positive and a negative impact depending on the usage. Like social media is a significant part of our lives and it's not necessarily a bad thing, right?
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Mansi Saini
Like it gives you a platform where you can foster connections with people. You can show your creative side as well, right? But if the use is excessive, then that's where it gets problematic.
Katherine Hurtig
Okay.
Mansi Saini
So I think monitoring the usage and how much time are you spending? What are we doing with the content that we're consuming? How this is impacting us in terms of your mental health and physical health? I think are some important considerations to think about.
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah, I think it's, you know, tying back to the comparison thing too. The other thing about social media is it gives a very clear platform for judgment, right? It's like you're putting something out in the world and you might get a lot of likes or you might get negative comments or you might, you know, like there's a lot of risk associated with that, but it's not necessarily risk that you can have any kind of control over the outcome. And so I think there's a lot of fear sometimes for people posting, but then also a lot of pressure to have to post. I've read a lot of research about how it specifically affects girls and the ways that social media use is different for boys and girls and how that affects girls specifically. And especially like body image, self-esteem. There's endless comparison. It's not just like the magazine models in the grocery store checkout anymore, right, who are adult strangers. Now it's like the girl in your class posting photos of her in her bedroom. And like maybe you've been in that bedroom and you like know what that looks like.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Krystal Blacklock
And she's your peer. And then she's able to post like, you know, it could be edited photos and stuff, too. But it's still her and you recognize that. And so that has a huge impact on girls and their self-image.
Mansi Saini
Yeah. I read an article, too. And it seems like research indicates that there is a relative higher concern of harm among the girls as opposed to the boys. And they struggle more with like distorted sense of self or body image issues, cyber related bullying, depression, things like that. And it was I was I was curious about it. And, you know, this is interesting for me to read that it affects the teenage girls more than the boys.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. This all, it makes me think of this book that came out recently, The Anxious Generation, the author…
Krystal Blacklock
Jonathan Haidt.
Katherine Hurtig
Jonathan Haidt. Yeah, it's kind of scary to think about that we kind of don't have a lot of control over is really impact the mental health of our kids, basically.
Krystal Blacklock
One thing that struck me also when I was reading that book was he compared it to like cigarettes. Yes. Like 100 years ago and how we didn't know the impact of it, right? Yeah, yeah. People were just smoking and kids had access to it and there was no regulation. And as the information has come out about what smoking does to your health, of course, like as communities and as a society and as individuals, we've made choices about how we want to handle that. And social media and smartphones are so new, like kind of 2013-ish, I think is kind of when Instagram became, was bought by Facebook. And so it's in the last 10, 12 years. So we're sort of in that place where we didn't know what we didn't know. And now the information is coming out and we're able to start to, I think we do have the opportunity to start to make some changes or like, you know, have some control and start to think about what we can be doing as individuals, as communities, as families. Now that we start to realize what it's doing to especially our kids.
Katherine Hurtig
We know that too much time on these platforms can have its impact. So what are some signs that someone's time on social media might be impacting their mental health? Like what can parents, teachers, family members, what can they look out for?
Mansi Saini
In terms of the red flags, I would say when you notice yourself just being addicted to these apps to the point where you're compulsively checking on updates, you know, every few minutes, every few hours to see how many likes you got, how many followers do you have, who commented on your post, right? And also like you're very distracted to the point like it's almost like an escape from reality, right? Or an escape from real human connection. And that kind of steers you away from other areas of your life. Like maybe you would, you could have, you know, spend this time going out, spending time with your dog. Like you could be doing so many other things.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Mansi Saini
Right. But you're just sitting there and focusing on what is happening online.
Katherine Hurtig
Right.
Mansi Saini
I think the importance of sleep should also not be underestimated. Because, I mean, it can have a negative impact on your sleep, especially when we are doing or engaging ourselves in mindless scrollings up till midnight.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Right. I've definitely had to curb my use like around bedtime for sure. Like it just wires you.
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah.
Katherine Hurtig
Especially around like, I don't know, more stressful times in the news. Like I remember early pandemic, I would be, you know, scrolling a lot right before bed. And there's that stress thinking about everything going on.
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah, totally. Yeah. Sleep was one of the things that came to mind as well for me. It was like watching for kids. Like, are they sleeping? Okay. If they're not, like the sleep deprivation, then we probably need to adjust the phone use and social media use. The other thing is, I don't know how exactly you would necessarily see this in your kid, but I think conversations and parents know their kids quite well. They'd get a sense, I think. But the interesting thing about social media is it kind of leads to a sense of like meaninglessness. Like we're not participating in the real world. We're just, you know, the sense of accomplishment of like doing a task that was difficult and seeing the outcomes or like having a difficult conversation with a friend and repairing that relationship. Those kinds of things give a sense of meaning, of purpose and like those really positive feelings. And social media kind of gives us shots of dopamine. It keeps us coming back. It makes us feel like we're connected, but it's a very different sense of connection than that hard conversation would give us. Right. So kids and adults, we all end up, if we kind of get to a place where we're feeling like life is a bit meaningless, we don't really have purpose. That I think is obviously there's other ways that we can get there, but I think it might be a flag to think about social media use and whether that's a contributor to that feeling.
Katherine Hurtig
You know, these addictive behaviors and kind of recognizing that it's not healthy, that it's impacting mental health. The brain of a teenager, are they able to discern that? Are they able to recognize that social media might not be a great thing?
Mansi Saini
It's hard to recognize it in the moment. But over time, sometimes we notice these patterns, right? And these themes that, oh, I've not been sleeping well for a couple months, right?
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Mansi Saini
And now I feel more tired and exhausted the next day. And this is impacting my focus and concentration at school. And, you know, like I'm getting behind on my studies as well. So I think over time you notice the difference, but it's hard to catch on it like right away. Yeah. Right. But as parents, I think, you know, we can see what's happening with our kids, you know, how they're feeling about it and how their routine has been. Right. But I think as a kid, it's kind of hard to just catch it like right away on your own.
Katherine Hurtig
For sure.
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah, I feel like I don't think kids can see that. I think, you know, the pull of like being part of your friend group and your peer group and not missing things and not being, you know, staying cool. It's really important at that stage.
Katherine Hurtig
It is, it’s huge.
Krystal Blacklock
And so, yeah, no, I don't think that and their brain is still developing and algorithms are created to keep them on their phone. So they're fighting against like very refined processes to keep them using their phone. And I mean, as adults, we feel that too. And we have more of that like executive function to be able to make the decision like, OK, I need to put my phone away and go to bed or I need to do my homework or whatever it is. So I really think kids we’re doing them a disservice by expecting that they're going to be the ones who are going to have the full ability to make those decisions.
Katherine Hurtig
And I feel like it's difficult for parents, well, parents and kids. But like, for me, I see it's a no-win situation because either you, you know, really restrict and monitor and regulate a child's social media use. But unless their whole circle is kind of on board, there'd be that feeling of missing out. Does that make sense?
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah, it really does. Yeah.
Mansi Saini
Yeah, I think there's a lot of peer pressure around it, right?
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Mansi Saini
To be using these apps, to post regularly, to know what's happening in other people's life. And I think, as you said, you know, we need to create that culture even at home, you know. So if there are rules, rules need to be followed even by the parents. Yeah, right. Not just the teenagers, because sometimes then they feel, oh, it's coming from a position of like authority or discipline.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, I remember my stepson, he, yeah, he wanted to get the app Snapchat because all his friends had it. And I made him write an essay to outline how he would use it and be safe.
Krystal Blacklock
Good for you.
Katherine Hurtig
I don't know if it helped at all. He did say the other day, like, because he's been pushing his parents for Instagram.
Krystal Blacklock
Okay.
Katherine Hurtig
And he's like, well, I don't know. If I have to write another essay, I just don't, I don't want it. Okay, good. So, I mean, I'm sure we'll get into this more, but what do parents do? And when do they start? And how do they kind of tackle this?
Mansi Saini
I think as a parent, we need to think about like what specifically about these social media apps can negatively impact my teen. And also in terms of like at what age do I want to start giving my kid access to phone or access to Internet? Is it necessary? Right. What are they going to do with that? Right. Because once they have access to it, it's hard to kind of see what kind of content they're consuming or what they're exposed to. Sometimes that's not even intentional.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, you can definitely go down some rabbit holes there.
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah. I kind of want to pull back to what you said earlier, Mansi, about parents kind of modeling for their kids what they want, right? So I think that that's such an important starting point. Like, what kind of relationship do you want your kid to have with their phone? And then how do you make sure that you're modeling what that looks like so that they can see that? Because kids will do what we do, not what we say.
Katherine Hurtig
Does that, maybe not end, but does it sort of not happen as much at a certain age? I'm just kind of thinking like at 13, 14, my stepson doesn't, well, for me and his dad, like he doesn't want to follow what we're doing. We're very uncool.
Krystal Blacklock
No. And I think that like explicitly they might say that they don't want to be like you. But like they're always absorbing that and you're still the model of what an adult is and you're the person that they see on a day to day basis and what is normal for them. And as their brain's developing, that's the image they have of what they see as normal and healthy. It's just what they know. And so what we can present for them, what parents can do to model that for their kids is always beneficial, even when they're a teenager and might say they don't want to be like you. Yeah.
Mansi Saini
And I feel even sometimes like normalizing it as a parent, that sometimes as a parent also like you resist putting down your phone, you know, or like avoid that mindless scrolling that you do because it's like a global thing, a global issue that we all are struggling with. Yeah.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. So kind of saying that it's hard for you as well?
Mansi Saini
Yeah. Yeah. Just normalizing it, you know, and just validating that feeling is that there are times when we struggle with it.
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah, absolutely. And I think even what you give them. So, you know, there's a difference between having a watch that can like receive messages or a phone that can receive messages and having access to a full smartphone and Instagram and all of the social media apps. And when is what appropriate, I think.
Mansi Saini
I read the concept of like having a dumb phone or like a cell phone that, you know, It doesn't have access to all the apps or internet or whatever, you know.
Katherine Hurtig
I remember that's what I grew up with is just like a really basic phone. I've heard this argument lately, yeah, about having, like you said, a dumb phone. And the, like how long it takes to text people because you just have those buttons and you have to text something or press a button three times to get a letter.
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah.
Mansi Saini
Yeah. Maybe starting with that and kind of opting for a device later on and adding more apps to it once your child matures.
Katherine Hurtig
And what about that, like how does a parent approach that conversation with a kid when all their friends maybe do have smartphones?
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah, I really think this is more of a community, like society issue. And of course, like individual families have to make like their individual choices. But it's going to be so much easier if like your kids' friends are also like their parents are doing the same thing.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, it is.
Krystal Blacklock
And so I think sometimes for parents, I wonder if conversations with other parents about, you know, how are you handling social media with your kids? How can we like come together and band together as parents and as like small communities, groups of friends, like even schools and start to kind of create this like new norm? And I think that will go a long way. And I feel like for individual people or individual families to try and make the change obviously needs to happen. But to fight that battle alone, it's going to be really hard. So I think it really is a community thing that we need to figure out how to work together to do.
Mansi Saini
Yeah, no, I think it's really hard, especially when they use their phones or their laptops for homework, for assignments. It makes it even more harder, right? Yeah, and I think Jonathan Haidt in this book talks a lot about what other institutions can do, you know, in terms of like overall change, because it's hard to do that. You know, like we, there needs to be like structural change for this.
Katherine Hurtig
Right. I know that, yeah, that a lot of schools are kind of regulating phone use, which I think is great.
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah. And I think it's interesting to think about like our societies a little bit more broadly, like letting kids go out and play and, you know, are our neighborhoods safe? And are we willing to like trust our neighbors and our kids, friends, parents and stuff to let our kids go out of the house and be off their phones and riding their bikes? And can we have playgrounds? You know, there's been so much emphasis on safety that kids aren't getting exposure to like risk that helps them learn and helps them develop confidence…
Katherine Hurtig
Exactly.
Krystal Blacklock
… and all of that stuff. So how do we, you know, even on a city level, like advocate for playgrounds that are a little bit more risky than, you know, put the merry-go-rounds back in maybe.
Katherine Hurtig
That could be a whole other conversation.
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah. So, I mean, this, maybe the social worker in me is coming out a little bit.
Katherine Hurtig
So kind of going back to that comparison and pressure that we can feel like looking through social media what's going on mentally when teens scroll through their feeds and maybe feel like they're not measuring up?
Mansi Saini
I think the satisfaction with their own lives and sometimes that also leads to like low self-esteem for them a lot of negative self-talk self-blaming behavior not feeling adequate enough like for the things that they're doing or like low self-confidence.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Mansi Saini
Not feeling confident in their relationships in the work that they do.
Katherine Hurtig
And then how can someone kind of shift their mindset if they're stuck in that loop of comparing themselves to everyone that they see online?
Mansi Saini
I think for me a big part of that is like validating your feelings rather than rushing them off. But also taking a step back from your feelings and challenging some of those negative thoughts that might come up for you, you know, and reframing them in a way that helps you give a neutral or like a different perspective to look at the same situation.
Katherine Hurtig
Do you have an example of like that, that challenge and reframe?
Mansi Saini
Yeah, like, you know, maybe just telling yourself that what you see in this reel is just one part of their lives. You don't see their full life. They don't see your full life.
Katherine Hurtig
Right.
Mansi Saini
Right. And they may be going through a lot that you're not even aware of. Right. So what you see is part of the reality, but that's not, that's not showing you a full picture. That's one way to neutralize that negative thought.
Krystal Blacklock
I wonder also if like in person or even just messaging, like a friend and being like, Hey, like I'm having this thought. I, you know, I've been on Instagram for a while and Like I really feel down, like, does that ever happen to you? And like expressing that to other people, because I think all of us experience that. And then you get the validation from another person and you get like the social connection in a meaningful way from another person. And so that's something that I think if you're able to recognize it, catch it and be like, oh, I'm feeling this way to, like Mansi said, think that through for yourself, but also to express that to others and have that externally validated. And then you can support each other, too, and remind each other of those things because it's easier to remind your friends than it is to remind yourself.
Katherine Hurtig
Exactly, yeah, I know, like, when I have negative thoughts, it's like you feel you feel very alone in that. Like, you know, this thing, I think this thing about myself and I'm the only one that feels that way. I'm weird. I'm different. So, yeah, if you can, like, talk to people you care about. What's that term?
Krystal Blacklock
Normalizes.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Yeah. It normalizes it. But then also, yeah, you get a friend coming back to be like, no, that's it's actually not true.
Mansi Saini
Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with you right now, you know, that you're thinking this way. It's just, you know, just having that sense of community that you're not alone in this and you're not the only one kind of struggling with this.
Katherine Hurtig
So we know that a big part of social media is like you said that those little dopamine hits, you know, the likes, the follows, that kind of thing. What kind of pressure can that put on a teenager? And then what can they do to kind of detach from that a little bit?
Krystal Blacklock
Um, I mean, I think dopamine is, is like a chemical that keeps us coming back for the same thing. Like it doesn't necessarily give us a sense of satisfaction. So when you get a hit of dopamine after watching a reel or when somebody likes your post or when somebody comments on your post, what that makes you do is want to do the same thing again to get more. And so it kind of keeps you in a loop of I post, I get likes. And then kind of once the likes on that post run out, now I have to post again to get more likes. And you're always kind of in this cycle. And I think it's hard for teens. Like I don't, like we were saying earlier, I don't know that they have the capacity fully to recognize that and step out of that. I think as adults, that's really hard to do. Yeah. And so I think the question is a little bit like for parents, how can they support their teens to be able to step away from that?
Katherine Hurtig
Okay.
Krystal Blacklock
And I wonder if something that can be really helpful is like just structures and routines that are in place and in the home. Like, you know, when we eat meals, we don't have our phones. Like just designated times that are phone free, social media free. And that kind of, you know, not that the kids are always going to love that, but it does give them, if that's like a norm and an understood structure, it gives them a space where they experience life without their phone. Right. So, you know, 30 minutes before bedtime, all the phones, mom and dad's included, like goes in a basket in the kitchen and we don't have them in our bedrooms. kind of a structure that keeps that dopamine cycle from just taking over completely. Yeah. And I think it's, it is really like the adults in teenagers lives who…
Katherine Hurtig
Who need to kind of spearhead be able to do that.
Mansi Saini
Yeah. I was personally struggling with it too, you know, the mindless scrolling before bedtime. And I intentionally kind of set a limit of like keeping my phone away at least one hour before the bed. Yeah. And I noticed that that drastically improved my sleep cycle.
Katherine Hurtig
Did it?
Mansi Saini
Yeah.
Katherine Hurtig
I got to try that. Can conversations around how social media works, like the algorithms, the, you know, how they're set up to keep you hooked, you know, how the likes give you that dopamine hit and kind of, yeah, the science behind that. Can conversations with your teen around that stuff help them to kind of recognize what's going on, help them have a better relationship with screens and social media?
Mansi Saini
Yeah, I mean, I don't think your teen would like if you sit and monitor their feeds with them, you know, because they also need privacy. So I think it's very important that we have these conversations in a more neutral and respectful way.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Mansi Saini
And I think the goal is to keep the channels of communication open and also establish trust in the relationship. So if they're struggling with something, rather than finding solutions online or going to their peers, they can come to you. So building that, creating that safe space for them where they can come up and have conversations. However, if you still see, you know, them building a wall, then maybe asking open-ended questions around, you know, like, I'm curious how this experience is going on for you, you know, and also showing them the willingness that you're willing to talk about these issues if they have any. Yeah. And I think not just having these conversations is important, but how do you have these conversations with them is also important.
Katherine Hurtig
Right.
Mansi Saini
And how it can come from a place of like respect and collaboration and not like, oh, I'm now I'm here. You know, I want to know what's going on in your life. Yeah. And then telling you what to do. Yeah.
Krystal Blacklock
I really like what you said about the information and giving kids information. Like kids are smart and like also giving them, you know, giving them credit for what they are able to do. And like, you know, here's the information, like, what do you think about this? And like, how do you see this playing out in your life or your friends? And like being curious with them about some of those things. I know I said earlier, you know, kids might not have the fully, like fully have the ability to step in, in the middle of those dopamine cycles. And at the same time, they have a lot, like they are smart and like to give them credit and give them agency and power to be able to say like, yeah, I can see where that's happening to me. And like, yeah, I can see where that's not good. Like, what could I do about that? What can my friends and I do about that? Yeah. To give kids credit that they can do things, I think, is really important.
Katherine Hurtig
And, Mansi, I think, like you said, it's how we approach these conversations. Like, we can't go in being like, yeah, I want to change your behavior, and these are all the reasons why social media is terrible, and that wouldn't be very productive.
Krystal Blacklock
No. No.
Katherine Hurtig
With so much of life happening online, I mean, not just for teens, how can teens and young adults set healthier boundaries with their screen time? And how can parents help them with that?
Mansi Saini
I think I just want to highlight what Krystal said about brainstorming ideas to fill your evenings. Because sometimes it's a crutch for like boredom, right? You're just getting bored. So I'm just going to sit there and scroll for hours. But once you have a routine, it doesn't have to be very structured. But it could be like anything that adds more meaning or pleasure to your day. You know, you can include that. Doesn't have to be like big or small. It could be as small as like going out for a walk or getting some fresh air or spending some time with your dog.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Mansi Saini
You know, reading a paragraph from your book, you know, could be could be anything. And keep experimenting until you find something that you really like.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, I think that's big is finding something that your teenager really loves doing. Because then they'll have the structure of like, because I'm thinking my stepson again, like he's played water polo for years and he's really into basketball now. So, I mean, that provides structure. It provides so many things like the structure and the routine, kind of the accountability and like the obligation of like showing up and also like that community and those friendships.
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah, I think another thing that's, I totally agree. And then also like, if there are things that kids find, like meaningful, like a cause they want to support or, because I think teenagers have an incredible capacity to like get behind certain causes and like really dive deep into them. What I was saying before, where social media creates a sense of meaninglessness, finding ways that you can like be involved in things that you really believe in and want to support and advocate for. And focusing on something other than, you know, ourselves. Social media is such a like, I'm comparing myself to everybody else. And when we find opportunities to engage with things that we find meaningful or a cause that we can stand behind, it helps us to focus on things outside of ourselves.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. And using social media in more positive ways.
Krystal Blacklock
Exactly. It becomes a tool rather than like a…
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah. Absolutely.
Katherine Hurtig
Have to not think of it as this completely negative thing. Totally. Like it's, it can be very good and it's not going anywhere. No, it's not going anywhere.
Mansi Saini
Yeah. I think something that maybe I don't do personally is like, you know, just checking in with yourself and just being more mindful of like, how do I feel when I scroll? Right. Like, what are some of my feelings and how do these accounts that I follow make me feel? Right. Are they motivating? Are they inspiring? Do they uplift me in any way? Or, you know, do I don't feel good after scrolling for hours and hours?
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Mansi Saini
Right. So you're checking in with yourselves to see kind of slowing things down and checking in with yourself to see how you're actually feeling.
Katherine Hurtig
Right. And I think, yeah, like doing some of these kind of things that we've talked about, like putting it away before bed or even like things that you can actually change on your smartphone to help you out and like give you a leg up. Like I took social media off my home screen. They're not even like completely deleted, but they're not super accessible. And I found that I've definitely cut down my time that way.
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah. Speaking of that, something that I did this year is I just silenced all my notifications.
Mansi Saini
Yeah.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Krystal Blacklock
So then it's not like when I open my phone for something else, I don't have like Instagram telling me that somebody liked a post or sent me a message. Like I, I can choose when I want to open Instagram and like look at what's there, but it's not prompting me to do that. And I found that so helpful.
Katherine Hurtig
Totally. Because that's, yeah, I mean, I find that just so distracting. And it's hard not to address the notifications when they come up. Like if I get a buzz on my watch, if I hear it on my phone, if I hear that ding of my email, it's like I have to look right now. So I'm sure teens get the same kind of feeling. Yeah.
Mansi Saini
Yeah. I think also limiting the time, the amount of time you spend on these apps. Like I've seen people taking a brief break on the weekends or taking a break for like months from social media helps. Right. I think as an individual, you know, what works for one person doesn't work for the other.
Katherine Hurtig
For sure. Yeah. You've got to find out what works for you.
Mansi Saini
Yeah.
Katherine Hurtig
I remember I. Yeah. You think like, oh, if I'm not, you know, if I'm not checking these apps, I'm not going to know what's going on. I'm going to have this, this FOMO. I deleted Instagram for a month, a while back and I was surprised, pleasantly surprised. I didn't miss it at all. Yeah. Life goes on and yeah…
Krystal Blacklock
Totally. Yeah. And I also wanted to go back to something you said, Mansi, about like the content that's there. Cause I know we kind of feel like the algorithm is out of our control and it's like creating something, but yeah, that we, we just are being fed passively, but actually we do have some control over what we follow. And another thing I've done is like muted and unfollowed accounts that are posting political stuff. And it's not because I don't want to be informed, but I want to choose when I want to engage with that content and where I want to engage with that. And I've noticed my feed, even just the algorithm of what it gives me, it notices like, oh, she's not picking up on, you know, these polarizing issues. So we're not going to feed her that anymore. And now I get, you know, snowboarding and hiking and wild ice videos instead.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. And Mansi, like that, that's like what you said, like, I think teens can kind of check in with themselves too, with the, you know, the people that they're following and kind of like, okay, how does this make me feel? How does this content that I'm seeing, you know, is, you know, is it lifting me up? Is it motivating me or is it making me feel not so good? And then choosing to not follow them. Yeah. So another part of, of smartphones and using social media, um, particularly for teens is, is this idea of, of bullying and cyber bullying. I remember years ago, I watched this documentary, um, about bullying, um, for kids and teens and, and the change that happened with the internet. Cause before, like when I was growing up, if you were bullied, you had an escape when you went home. There was that distance you could check out. But now, like everything's online, you don't have that escape. It just follows you. So, you know, what do we do about that? How do we, like, how do kids navigate that? How do parents navigate that?
Mansi Saini
I think if someone is already anxious or depressed, you know, all this online abuse, exploitation makes things worse for them because they're already going through a lot. And then this is kind of added on top of that. I think the point that I want to highlight is that you don't have to suffer in silence on your own. There are ways that you can get the help, right? And one part of that is you can share it with a trusted person like your family member, maybe your school counsellor or your parent if you feel comfortable. I know sometimes there's a lot of hesitation and embarrassment that comes with like reporting it. But I think, you know, if we don't report it, sometimes it gets worse. Right. So how do we open up with the people that we trust so we can get the help that we need in the moment, be it like support, emotional support or support in any form. Right. And as a parent, I think the parents play a huge role in it, how they can give that safe space to their kids so they can talk about their issues that they're going through at school or, you know, online. And sometimes we have fears, you know, that I'm going to lose my privileges or I'm going to lose access to my phone.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Mansi Saini
Right. So how as a parent you can validate some of your concerns and hear out your child's fears, right? And how together we can come up a plan or a solution so they don't feel punished for sharing what they're going through.
Katherine Hurtig
Of course.
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah, I really love that, Mansi.
Katherine Hurtig
Is there anything you want to leave our listeners with? Any last thoughts about teens and social media and screen time?
Mansi Saini
I just want to say that in order to enhance their overall well-being, just being more mindful of their usage and avoid getting caught in that mindless scrolling, right? Because we all engage with social media, but how much am I using, what I'm engaging, and when I choose to engage myself in is something that's important.
Krystal Blacklock
I think it's interesting because one of the things that stood out to me from Jonathan Haidt's book was kind of prioritizing with your kids, like prioritizing their sleep and prioritizing their engagement with the real world rather than focusing on the screen time. Right. So screen time is going to be what screen time is going to be. Right. The emphasis is on like what you focus on, you amplify. So how do we focus on making sure you're sleeping properly? How do we focus on making sure you're outside in nature? How do we focus on like making sure you're together in person with your friends? How do we make sure like you're doing stuff you enjoy and you're engaging in things that are meaningful in your real life?
Katherine Hurtig
That's yeah, that's smart. Like focusing on the positive and not just reducing the negative.
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah. Rather than like how do we take away the phone or how do we take away the screen time or how do we reduce social media? How do we like increase the sleep? How do we increase the in-person connection?
Mansi Saini
This reminds me of a code. It doesn't matter what you do, how much you do, as long as you're doing it.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Right. Yeah. Like even a little walk outside, even five minutes, even a phone call with a friend, even… it doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Mansi Saini
Yeah. And sometimes when you do it, you actually feel better.
Katherine Hurtig
Definitely.
Krystal Blacklock
And then the momentum builds in that direction.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Then they can recognize like, okay, I felt pretty good when I did this. Let's try it again. Yeah.
Krystal Blacklock
Yeah.
Mansi Saini
Yeah.
Katherine Hurtig
Thank you so much, Krystal, Mansi. This was excellent.
Krystal Blacklock
Thank you so much.
Mansi Saini
Thank you for having us. It's a pleasure.
Katherine Hurtig
You've been listening to Living Fully, a Calgary Counselling Centre podcast. Thank you for tuning in. This episode was produced by Luiza Campos, Manuel Montano, Jenna Forbes, and by me, Katherine Hurtig. A special thanks to Mansi Saini and Krystal Blacklock.
To stay up to date on our latest episodes, be sure to subscribe. We're available in your favourite podcast app. Living Fully is a production of Calgary Counselling Centre and recorded in Calgary on Treaty 7 territory. Living Fully podcast is not a substitute or alternative for professional care or treatment. Calgary Counselling Centre and Counselling Alberta provide effective counselling to anyone in Alberta with no waitlist and no financial barriers. Find us online at calgarycounselling.com and counsellingalberta.com. For help across Canada and the United States, call 211. If you are outside of Canada and the U.S., seek help from your general medical practitioner.