Whose voice Is that? Understanding where your inner critic comes from
Most of us have an inner voice that speaks up when things go wrong. Sometimes it’s helpful, like a reminder to stay focused or take care of something important. But other times, it’s harsh, judgmental, and quick to point out every mistake. That’s your inner critic.
If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” “I should be doing more,” or “Why can’t I get this right?,” you’re not alone. These thoughts often feel automatic, but they didn’t come out of nowhere. They were shaped by the world around you.
Let’s take a closer look at where your inner critic might come from, and how you can start to challenge it.
Where does the inner critic come from?
Your inner voice develops over time, shaped by a mix of experiences, observations, and the messages you’ve taken in from the world around you. Sometimes these patterns form so gradually that they feel like they’ve always been there. Recognizing that your inner critic is learned, not an unchangeable truth, can open the door to relating to yourself with more understanding and care.
How to recognize it
The inner critic often shows up in patterns. You might notice it more when you’re tired, stressed, or comparing yourself to others.
Try this:
Pay attention to your self-talk. What do you say to yourself when something goes wrong?
Ask yourself: Would I say this to a friend? If not, it might be your inner critic talking.
Notice when these thoughts show up. Is it during work? After scrolling online? Around certain people?
Recognizing the voice is the first step to changing it.
Start separating the voice from your own
Once you become aware of your inner critic, you can start exploring where its messages might have come from. Sometimes they echo past experiences, the opinions of people you look up to, or broader social messages you’ve picked up along the way.
Try this:
Write down a recurring critical thought.
Ask: When do I first remember hearing or feeling something like this?
Then ask: Does this still feel true for me, or is it something I’ve simply carried with me?
This gentle questioning can help you understand the difference between your own beliefs and those shaped by outside influences.
Build a new inner voice
You don’t have to silence your inner critic completely. But you can balance it with a more supportive voice. One that’s curious, kind, and realistic.
Try this:
When a critical thought pops up, respond with a more compassionate one. Example: “I should have done better” can be reframed as, “I’m proud of myself for doing my best.”
Practice saying encouraging things out loud, even if it feels awkward.
Ask a trusted friend what they notice about how you talk to yourself. Their perspective might help you see things differently.
Your inner critic didn’t start with you, and it doesn’t have to define you. By noticing where those thoughts come from and choosing how to respond, you can build a more balanced, supportive relationship with yourself.
You’re allowed to be kind to yourself. You’re allowed to grow at your own pace. And if you ever need help sorting through those voices, we’re here.
Information for this blog was provided by registered social worker, Krystal Blacklock. Learn more about our counsellors.