Season 3, Episode 10: Paula's Story
What happens when life doesn’t go according to plan? In this episode of Living Fully, Paula shares how her journey from Colombia to Canada, and her efforts to build a successful life, led to burnout, anxiety, and chronic stress.
Paula opens up about the pressure of cultural expectations, the experience of being an immigrant navigating unfamiliar systems, and how counselling helped her reflect, regroup, and rebuild. Her story is a powerful reminder that progress isn’t always linear—and that support can make all the difference.
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Katherine Hurtig
Welcome to Living Fully. Each episode is a chance to talk about mental health in a way that's simple, honest, and helpful. We'll share stories, tips, and tools to help you feel supported and feel your best. I'm your host, Katherine Hurtig. In this episode, we hear from Paula, a client of Calgary Counselling Centre, as she shares her journey of overcoming stress and anxiety. She opens up about how these challenges affected her work, relationships, and self-esteem, and how counselling helped her regain confidence and a sense of control in her life.
Paula
My name is Paula. I'm a mom, I'm a daughter, I'm a sister, I'm a wife.
Katherine Hurtig
Those are all important roles, yes.
Paula
I work full-time.
Katherine Hurtig
Did you grow up in Calgary?
Paula
No. I was born and grew up in Colombia. I came to Canada, directly to Calgary in 2006, and I've lived here since 2006.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. And what was the reason for the move?
Paula
My parents, they thought it would be better to move to Canada to provide a better life for us. I was already an adult. I was 20. I was finishing my career at the university. I'm the oldest of three siblings. I have a sister and I have a brother. He's the youngest. So they came here first and then they applied for family reunification. So that was actually my parents who brought us here.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. And what do you think of Calgary? Do you like it here?
Paula
I like it. I think most things in life, especially when you already think you know who you are, what you want to do, you finish your career. And then you're supposed to know your next step, but then you come to a new country, a new city, and start from zero. You know, like you're a baby at 25.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Paula
Learning to speak again, learning to walk again on the streets and finding your call. So it was hard. It was exciting. You know, I always, when I tell people my story, I tell them that it's kind of a roller coaster. Some days are great, it's amazing, everything is new. Some days it's just, what am I doing here? But I felt, I didn't want to disappoint my parents. They worked so hard to provide a better life for us. And then once I was here, I just couldn't go back, and I never left.
Katherine Hurtig
And you said you're a mother?
Paula
Yes. I have a daughter. She's 15. And I have a son. He's nine. It's one of the hardest jobs to be a mom, to pretend that you know what you're doing.
Katherine Hurtig
Well put.
Paula
Yeah. Think that you are responsible for other human lives. They depend on you. It's difficult. but I don't see myself without my kids or not, you know, having them in my life. I think they are the reason why I do everything I do and try to be a better person, human, every day.
Katherine Hurtig
Amazing. So what brought you to Calgary Counselling Center? What was going on in your life?
Paula
I was going through, I would say, a very dark moment in my life, professionally speaking. I wasn't feeling great. I was feeling all the “supposed to be” in my life weren't happening the way I thought they were supposed to be. And I...
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, we have, you know, we have this plan in our head of how we think steps should go, and when it doesn't turn out that way, it's disappointing.
Paula
Yes, and for me specifically, I'm that type of person who somehow needs to go by the book. I need to follow the rules and everything, by the book and everything. If you follow, if you work hard, you get a reward.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Paula
And life happens and things, they're just not like book. Things happen. And then maybe not being able to deal with real life versus expectations. That brought me to a really dark moment in my life, professionally speaking. But that was affecting my whole life. A home I felt really lost. I didn't know what would be next. What's my next step? What I need to do now that I feel so lost. I was actually feeling unwell physically. Maybe due to the stress, I just felt like a bunch of physical, physiological symptoms in my body that made me talk to my doctor, and we thought it would be best for me to stop working for some time. But I really needed to talk to someone professional to help me navigate that new stage in my life or go through that or get out of that mental, physical stage I was going through at that time.
Katherine Hurtig
Now, when you say it was like professionally a dark time, like, was it like work that was just really stressful or were you not fulfilled from your work anymore? What was that?
Paula
I think all of the above. I think that I thought that if I worked hard, if I did everything I'm supposed to do, I would find success. Whatever success means for you or culturally, you're taught that better title, better salary. So when you don't see yourself moving up or moving.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, yeah.
Paula
Just not, just stuck. You think that there must be something wrong, but if I'm doing this right, according to what I know.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, we're all kind of told that, like, take these steps, work hard.
Paula
Yes, exactly. So I thought there must be something, you know, wrong externally. Or maybe I was wrong. I was the reason why nothing was happening for me the way I saw it at that time. So being an immigrant, again, it's a roller coaster. It's new. It's exciting. It's a world full of new opportunities. And then you see the not so great things of being an immigrant. You know, there is still discrimination and stuff like that. And things I didn't want to believe in. I didn't want to believe that, you know, we're all equal. We all deserve the same opportunities. But then some things do happen and maybe you're not ready or prepared to deal with those things, you know. So maybe there is discrimination. Maybe there is racism. And what do you do? You know, when we made a decision to stop working for a while and get all the help possible, you know, medical and psychological and all that, that time, the psychologist who was helping me, he suggested that I could benefit from being part of the Be Your Self Esteem group. At that time, that felt awkward. Almost a little bit, I felt offended. Like, do you imply that I don't love myself, that I don't know how to love myself? So applying always the same formula and expect different results wasn't working for me either. So when I decided to listen to what he was saying from outside, you know, because I needed a different perspective because I wasn't seeing things clearly anymore. So when I decided to listen to his advice and I said, yeah, let's try. So there are so many things to what it means, you know, have like high or good self-esteem. Doesn't mean that you don't love yourself or that you don't know how to love yourself. But there are so many things that come with the way you grew up, the way that you were raised, the things that are involved culturally.
Katherine Hurtig
And that's, yeah, that's all out of your control. Yeah.
Paula
Yes. So when I was aware of all those things, that's when I learned to manage things that were happening in my life at that time. So specifically, you know, related to work that at the same time were affecting my whole life, my whole world. So kind of like whatever was happening or not happening at work became my entire world. And that's the thing I wasn't happy about. And that's why I wanted to learn tools to manage those situations when you have certain expectations, but that according to you, they don't match, like the reality doesn't match what you thought it would be being a certain age, being a mom of two kids and being able to provide and be successful all at once. So I wanted to find tools to help me navigate through those dark moments.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, that's really, that's insightful because it's like, we can't avoid these hard things happening to us. So it's figuring out, you know, what we need, what we need to do, what tools we need to be able to handle them.
Paula
Exactly. I thought at some point it was about talking about how I felt or how a situation or an environment or a corporation made me feel. But it was very eye-opening to see that many things I was seeing that were happening to me at that time, I could make them better from within. It's how I think, how I act, things I can control, things that I can do to feel better about what I'm doing in general. And that my life is not only about work, but all those things that make me who I am. And the worth I have, it's not attached to my job, whatever your job is.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, to any one thing. Yes. I don't know if it's different in Colombia. But yeah, I know like in North American culture, yeah, so much of our identity gets tied up in what we do for work. Is it, do you find that the same there?
Paula
Yes. At least on my generation today, I don't know much. But in my generation, we were told you need to go to school and be someone, do something to be someone. And you need to go to school and find a job. And then you're done. You're successful. Then you can accomplish whatever you want. And basically the same. I think it doesn't change. I don't know these days how it works with the kids having more options for a job or they don't want to be sitting in an office eight hours. But at least in my case, that was the same expectation. You go to school, you keep preparing yourself, you keep studying, and then you keep moving the ladder up. Big corporation and then you're successful.
Katherine Hurtig
I know. And that can be so hard when we get those messages like this is the path that you should take. And if you stray from that path or if something happens, like, I mean, if you lose your job, that sense of identity, if it's so tied into this role that you have, yeah, it can be really a life altering.
Paula
Yes. Yes, exactly. You think you're doing everything right, the right way for you to succeed based on what culturally you were taught by your family or your society. So it's very similar when you come here. All you want to do, at least in my case, is work hard, prove them that you can. Sometimes work twice as hard to show them that, you know, even though you come from a different background, you can and you try your best. And nothing, in my own perspective, nothing happened. So I was like, something's wrong. Something must be wrong either with the system or I'm the one who's not doing things the way they need to be done. So, yeah, I think even though we try to remind ourselves every day that family comes first, there are so many things that are tied to your job, you know, like money to provide.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, yeah. That whether you like it or not, work becomes a huge part of everyone's lives. Yeah, it's impossible for it not to. You were saying that you had some physical symptoms of what was going on. What was that like?
Paula
It came as a surprise to me, but once I turned 40, a bunch of symptoms, physiological symptoms, I started experiencing them. And I had to go to the emergency room or department at least twice a month for maybe two or three years during COVID. And they couldn't tell me specifically what it was. They couldn't diagnose me with something specifically. They just told me that to keep going every time I had those specific symptoms were very extreme. And I found that time I was lucky that I found, I'm going to say best doctor so far, that he listened to me, listened to my symptoms. And I learned that I had to advocate for myself. Tell them that whatever they thought was working for everyone else wasn't really working for me. And those were very hard moments I had to go through for three years. And so many times I got the answer I got from the specialist that my symptoms were caused by stress.
Katherine Hurtig
Okay. Was that surprising to you?
Paula
I think it was surprising but also disappointing because nobody wants to experience those chronic pain, for instance. And if you know that it's due to stress, you don't want to stress. You want to be calm, but what's causing those? But then if you work hard on yourself to be, you know, to try to be calm and exercise and do physiotherapy and meditate and all those things, but the physical symptoms are still there, then you need to do something. So after three years, I finally got the right answers. I deal with chronic pain treatment now. Right now, there's no cure for all the stuff I have combined through my whole body, but at least there is treatment for me. I'm glad that I have that. And that combined with therapy, you are able to manage things with your mind as well, or things that go on in your head. You're able to manage those thoughts or stuff with the right treatment or talking to the right person, the right professional. You're able to manage those things. It often takes more than just one thing. Yes. Yeah, a whole plan to... Yes, exactly. But yeah, I think it's better to talk to someone and try to find someone who listens to you and can guide you to the right treatment, either, you know, medical or psychological. But you need to talk and just not be okay with whatever first answer you got. If you think there's still something wrong, you need to stand up, speak up, and advocate for yourself and try to find the best treatment for you.
Katherine Hurtig
So when you started to come here and get counselling, had you experienced counselling before? Did you have any idea what it would be like?
Paula
I experienced counselling back in Colombia many years ago when I first started my first semester in university. Maybe that was hard for me to start a new chapter in my life. I don't recall much about that. But I did that. And this time, so taking time away from work, one of the requirements was to find counselling. And they offered some tools or, you know, places I could go, which I didn't trust at that time. So back in a little bit before the pandemic, my daughter, she was diagnosed with anxiety disorder. And our family doctor referred her to the Calgary Counselling Centre. And that was great. So that's how I knew about Calgary Counselling Centre. And when it was time for me to find someone, I decided to go to a place I knew from before. And yeah, that was great. I didn't have any expectations. I just knew I needed to talk to someone. And maybe that was the wrong expectation, but I was hoping that someone would listen to me.
Katherine Hurtig
Of course.
Paula
And not just a friend that would tell you what you want to hear, but someone, you know, who has studied and knows things, you know, in a more professional way that could guide you into this is what's going on and this is how we can start working together into, you know, getting you better or something like that.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, that's exactly right. That's what we want people to know about counselling is like it's not just, you know, like talking to a friend, you're going to get really nonjudgmental, unbiased advice.
Paula
Exactly. And I know in my case, specifically culturally, things that have to do with the mind or with the head, you know, you don't need help for it. You can solve them on your own. You know, it's not like it's the hand. If your hand hurts, you go to the doctor, they give you medicine. So there is also maybe just in my generation, you know, we don't believe in health. Right. Something is wrong in your mind or something. But that was never my case. You know, I always wanted to keep my, I was open minded about all the available resources. If you need help, you know, if you don't feel well, and there are professionals dedicated to study the mind and how we work as humans. And I want to try that and see, you know, whether that works or not. I don't want to tell anyone, you know, that doesn't work or I don't want to tell anyone, you need to go. You have to go. I think in my own case, in my own experience, I needed to talk to someone with training, education and experience that could guide me with whatever was going on with me at that time, how we could work together and plan for me to move on and get getting better. But yes, sometimes talking to a friend, it's great. We need to share our thoughts. And sometimes that one friend might tell you, hey, try this, which is counselling. And that's great. But I think, yes, what you said is really important. Unbiased, someone that you know is not going to judge you. Sometimes you do feel confronted with yourself. But I think you need to be open minded, listen to what the professionals have to say. And sometimes if it's not the right fit, you can try again and find someone who's the right fit for you. But in most cases, at least for me, it's been great.
Katherine Hurtig
So I know that you did both individual counselling and a group program. So what kinds of things were you working on in individual counselling? And what kinds of practices or tools did you learn?
Paula
As I said before, I have preconceived ideas of what my life should look like at a certain age, after so many years working hard, after doing things that you were supposed to do. And I felt stuck. Or I felt things or the environment were unfair to me. So my first approach was to tell someone how I was feeling, everything I was feeling, everything I was seeing. And it was really, really important for me when I heard from the counsellor or from the professional, I believe you. That was huge. That was huge.
Katherine Hurtig
Were you finding it the opposite in other areas of your life? Do you feel that others didn't believe you?
Paula
I'm not sure, but I think you talk, you suggest things, hopefully they improve, or you just keep working harder and harder, hoping that someday someone will see you, will give you a chance, or you keep trying to find a better job. You don't know. I think it's just the overwhelming feeling. I was experiencing at that time didn't allow me to know or understand what I wanted or what I needed like next in my life. I think it was just telling your family, oh, I'm sad because something happened or telling your friend, you know, venting today at work, this or this or that, but nothing changes. And you keep talking about the same thing over and over every day. And it's just not getting you anywhere. So when someone from outside, outside my family circle, my work circle, listened to all my ideas, all my feelings, that was, like you said, very powerful when I said, I believe you. I believe that you feel this way, I believe what you're telling me. And that was huge. Then, we worked on specific tasks for each week or, you know, until next session. Let's work on this. Let's try this. Let's read this. And maybe every time an intrusive thought comes, let's try this. And things worked great for some time because it feels like I was going back to the same. And that's one of the many things that stuck with me was when they said that the idea was to fly together for a period of time. Then they would allow me to fly solo. And if another different stage of my life comes, then I could come back and let's try together and work together on whatever that stage of my life looks like. But it seems like I was always doing better for some time and going back to the beginning. And so when they suggested that I could benefit from that group therapy, build self-esteem group therapy, I was like, the problem is not me. It's not within me. It's everything outside, everything or everyone is against me. You know, I'm set up for failures, things like that. But then I said, you know, you have been right so far to me, but they have worked. Let's try this. And yeah, when I tried that and I learned and understood the many things that we are, part of who we are, are things like I said before, the way we were raised, how the environment affects us all. And we become part of that environment and how we can apply different tools and strategies to not change who we are, but things that we can control and how things we can improve in ourselves. That makes a huge difference. So sometimes it's not that you are the problem, but it's that you are part of the solution, how you think. That's an excellent way to put it. So, yeah, just giving a chance to things that you haven't tried before. That's what made me say yes.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Like, I mean, there's so much in our lives that we can't control. The thought of changing whole systems of beliefs and that's so overwhelming. So, yeah, we have to we have to focus on what we can control and how we respond to.
Paula
Exactly. Yes, we don't control. And sometimes, personally speaking, I think that the more you think about something or you play different scenarios, if something happens, I'll do this. If something happens, I'll do that. But when something actually happens, you weren't even really prepared to deal with that the way you thought in your head it would be. It's just that let's think about things in life like, yes, we can make plans, but let's be ready for a plan deviation, for a change. Things could change at any moment.
Katherine Hurtig
And that is so hard. We don't like uncertainty.
Paula
Exactly, yes. But nothing is certain, I think we just have to try and do our best the here now, yes I know that some things require us to plan ahead but keeping in mind that things don't always go as planned it's part of the trick as well. It's, um, we can only be prepared for change. Let's think that things can change. And also that our worth is not attached to a role, a specific role. You know, for me, for instance, it was work. You know, we are a combination of so many things and you don't know if in your role as a mom, you're succeeding in your role as a sister. You know, you helped someone today. You smiled someone today, and that made that person's life better that day. So you are a combination of so many things. It's not just how much you have or the job title you have, because even when you get that job title you desired so much, it might not look as nice as you thought it would be. It comes with responsibility. It comes with more stress. So if it works for you, great. But if it wasn't what you thought, it would be, say, it's okay. I don't want this anymore. And just go back and try to change what you can.
Katherine Hurtig
Amazing. How has your life changed since counselling? What do you see differently? What do you do differently?
Paula
I think my life is amazing, still amazing. It was amazing. I think I am the one who changed, or that is improving certain aspects of my life. You know, the way I see things, you know, I'm grateful for all the things I have. I don't get frustrated about things I know I cannot change or control. There are so many things that are not under my control that I don't worry about pretending to change them. So it's more about I'm grateful for all the things I have. I'm grateful for all the success I've acquired so far. You know, even maybe I decided for some time to see all the things that I was missing, according to me. So then maybe I overlooked the things I did accomplish. And with this, I'm not saying that I'm cured. No, it's more like you have, I have, better tools to handle, to manage everyday stuff, everyday life.
Katherine Hurtig
Exactly. Yeah.
Paula
And I think I still get sad sometimes or worry about things or someone said something that you think is not right. and maybe makes you feel, you know, like this is not right. But I think you have, I think you're entitled to feel sad some days, you know, that things happen, things you don't control, and then it's okay to be sad or worried or frustrated.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, that's normal, yeah.
Paula
But that doesn't mean that that's how you have to be forever. I think things happened. You handle them the best you can at that time with the information you have. And then you you get up again and try your best. And I think the way I'm thinking at this time is I can always come back here. You know, it's not like about the same, but I'm thinking like I've grown so much in this aspect, but I think now I could work more on this. And hey, can we chat? That's what I think most days. But things that I've learned through my individual counselling and with the group counselling, I revisit the notes and the book. And they do help me feel.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, because it's like a practice. It's stuff that you have to implement all the time.
Paula
Yes, it's a process. It's not, again, like you take a pill and you're cured. It's not like that for most illnesses or illnesses that you have. It wouldn't be that same way when you are working to improve yourself or become a better human being. But it's a process, but you have better tools to understand.
Katherine Hurtig
It's like a muscle, like your brain is a muscle. And so if you want to use it in a different way, it's continuing to practice that different way.
Paula
Yes, exactly.
Katherine Hurtig
What do you think was your most valuable takeaway from counselling?
Paula
That we're not alone. I know sometimes we feel lonely, and we come from different countries, different places, different experiences. But I believe that there is someone for everyone already willing to listen to you and help you somehow. We're not alone here. We can reach out. We can talk to people. We can now that if people know about this place, if people know about places like this exist, they could reach out. It would be nice if they reach out and hopefully, they'll find the right fit for them. I'm not aware of if the service is providing different languages, but I think people should know that places like this exist, and hopefully the service is available in more than one language, because...
Katherine Hurtig
It is, yeah. We do.
Paula
That's great.
Katherine Hurtig
We have lots of counsellors that can offer counseling in multiple languages.
Paula
That's great.
Katherine Hurtig
Translation services.
Paula
That's amazing. I think you, in my case, speaking from my own experience, you don't want or need someone who comes and fixes your life. If you can at least talk about how you feel, what you're experiencing, And someone is there, out there, ready to listen to you and maybe provide some guidance. And just acknowledging that what you're feeling is real. That would be great. The struggle would be, we all struggle with different things. But if one day at a time, one step at a time, we can talk about those things that affect us and that there is hope, we can be better. We could reach out and say, this is what's going on with me. Maybe I don't understand what's going on with me, but together we could find out and move forward to feel better. Yeah. Yeah, it's possible. Yes.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Is there anything else that you want people to know about you and your experience? Anything that we haven't touched on?
Paula
Or you cannot, whomever is listening to this, they don't relate to my story. Your story matters. You matter. What you have to say matters. We're all so different, but at the same time, we're the same. So reach out. Reach out. My story maybe wasn't too weird, too different. I was afraid to share my story or find someone to say, hey, I don't feel well at work. I didn't know. I thought I was being weird or you just have to suck it up and be strong. I couldn't.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. And that's the thing. These feelings and these thoughts that we get, it does make us feel very different. But it's so not the case. Like so many people feel the same way. And go through the same thing.
Paula
Yes, that was my experience with the group, the self-built self-esteem. I realized that we're different. We come from different backgrounds, ethnicities, all that. But that doesn't mean that that's bad. It's just that we need to understand that we have different strengths, and maybe how we see things are things that we just created ourselves in our head. And when I saw more people from different backgrounds coming to the same place, trying to find help, it's like I was like, I'm not alone. I'm not alone. And I'm glad that I'm part of this now and help each other to feel better.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, because, I mean, you're right. We are different, but at the core, we're all people who feel and feel a lot.
Paula
Exactly. So let's reach out and try. And if for whatever reason you feel that it didn't work the first time, just try again. is we are complex beings, but we are deserved of, we deserve love and our worth is infinite. That's all I have to say.
Katherine Hurtig
Thank you so much, Paula. It was such a privilege to sit down with you today.
Paula
Thank you.
Katherine Hurtig
You've been listening to Living Fully, a Calgary Counselling Center podcast. Thank you for tuning in. This episode was produced by Luiza Campos, Manuel Montano, Jenna Forbes, and by me, Katherine Hurtig. A special thanks to Paula.
To stay up to date on our latest episodes, be sure to subscribe. We're available in your favorite podcast app. Living Fully is a production of Calgary Counselling Centre and recorded in Calgary on Treaty 7 territory. Living Fully podcast is not a substitute or alternative for professional care or treatment. Calgary Counselling Centre and Counselling Alberta provide effective counselling to anyone in Alberta with no wait list and no financial barriers. Find us online at calgarycounselling.com and counsellingalberta.com. For help across Canada and the United States, call 211. If you are outside of Canada and the US, seek help from your general medical practitioner.