Season 2, Episode 15: Strategies for Supporting Loved Ones
In this episode, we explore the nuances of supporting someone you care about through their mental health journey. Learn how to recognize the signs that a loved one might be struggling, and the best approaches for having open, empathetic conversations about mental health. We explore the importance of active listening and share practical tips on where and how to learn more about mental health.
We also address the delicate balance of encouraging a loved one to seek professional support while setting healthy boundaries for your own well-being.
We discuss how to be prepared in case of a mental health crisis, and the importance of contacting professional or emergency services if necessary. We offer guidance on supporting a loved one through counselling and celebrating their progress.
Gain valuable techniques and practical advice on being a supportive, informed, and compassionate ally in your loved one’s mental health journey.
When you’re feeling down, anxious, or not yourself, it can be difficult to take action and it may seem impossible to overcome these feelings.
But taking one simple step can move someone that’s struggling in the direction of learning the skills needed to tackle these feelings. From October 7–13, check in with how you’re feeling with our free, confidential, quiz at areyoufeelingok.com. Take the first step toward feeling better.
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Katherine Hurtig
Welcome to Living Fully, a podcast dedicated to enhancing your mental well-being. Each episode explores valuable insights and practical strategies to help you lead a more fulfilling life. I'm your host, Katherine Hurtig.
In honor of National Depression Screening Day, we've put together a special series on depression, one of the most common mental health issues in the world. In these four episodes, we'll explore the different signs and symptoms of depression, how it affects people of all ages, and what you can do to cope. Whether you're personally affected by depression, supporting someone who is, or simply looking to broaden your understanding, this series will provide insights, practical advice, and hope.
From October 7th to 13th, check in with how you're feeling with a free quiz at areyoufeelingok.com.
In this episode, I talk with social worker Sarah Rosenfeld about how to support the people we care about when they're struggling with their mental health. She shares tips on how to actively listen, how to encourage someone to seek help, and how to set boundaries for your own well-being.
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Sarah Rosenfeld, thank you so much for being on the show again. You're quite the regular.
Sarah Rosenfeld
I love coming on the show and chatting with you.
Katherine Hurtig
Well, the next time we'll have to get you like a five-time jacket like they do at Saturday Night Live.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Oh, I'd love that. That'd be super fun.
Katherine Hurtig
Oh, thanks. Yeah, thank you so much for coming on. And we are chatting about how to help friends, family, people we care about that might be struggling with their mental health.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Yeah, very important topic.
Katherine Hurtig
Definitely. So yeah, let's just dive right in. Sarah, what are some of, you know, maybe the first signs that you might notice that someone you care about might be struggling with their mental health, whether that's anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, whatever that may be?
Sarah Rosenfeld
So there's going to be some commonalities across all of those presentations, but they do show up a little bit differently. So I kind of want to talk a little bit about how they might show up differently in your loved ones. So you might notice sudden changes in behavior, health problems, that kind of thing starting to surface. But for somebody that's dealing with anxiety, they might really feel hypersensitive to the environment that they find themselves in when they hadn't previously felt that way. So everything feels like a stimulus, feels like an activation. You might notice that they're feeling a little bit helpless, like they can't manage things on their own as much, a little bit hopelessness might surface, difficulty being able to concentrate, and sometimes wanting to isolate and remove themselves from other people.
Katherine Hurtig
And that's kind of unique to anxiety or would that kind of show…
Sarah Rosenfeld
Well, you might see some of those things with low self-esteem and depression as well, but that, yeah, there would be some commonalities. I think the piece with depression, It's that with that presentation, people are going to feel a lot more sadness. They're going to feel a lot more irritability or frustration. Yeah. Which you might not see as much with somebody that's anxious and loss of interest in things that they previously did. Fatigue, lack of energy, right? Really difficult just getting going in the morning, doing the regular daily activities of living. And that feeling of worthlessness or guilt is probably more a hallmark of depression than it would be of anxiety.
Katherine Hurtig
So that feeling of worthlessness, I mean, that would be something really internal. But what might what could that potentially look like from the outside?
Sarah Rosenfeld
Yeah, that's a really good question. Reassurance seeking. So needing a lot of comfort and reassurance or disengaging entirely in conversations that otherwise they would have engaged in.
Katherine Hurtig
Okay.
Sarah Rosenfeld
So not feeling like you have something to offer, something to contribute, that's going to change the course of somebody's behavior. So often when somebody's experiencing a mental health issue, the normal way they would respond to something, they tend to have a different behavior or response.
Katherine Hurtig
Okay. So you're really looking for changes.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Exactly. Changes in what would be typical for that person or that individual.
Katherine Hurtig
Okay. What do you think is, what's the best way to approach that conversation with someone? How do you go about approaching that with someone without making them feel judged or pressured or anything like that?
Sarah Rosenfeld
So I'd say there's a couple of things that you kind of want to focus in on. And these things, while they might seem really small, actually make a huge difference in terms of how the conversation ends up going with that person. So active listening is that ability to really be able to listen without having an agenda. That takes skill and practice. And because it's a loved one, often people are really invested. They want things to get better. They want things to improve. It's really important to be able to listen and really hear from that person's perspective what's going on for them.
Katherine Hurtig
Okay. And that term active listening, we've heard that, but what does that really mean?
Sarah Rosenfeld
It means engagement. It means paying attention. It means noticing what words they're using, noticing what they're missing out of the conversation, being curious. So it's that active piece. It's not just sitting there passively paying attention. You're actually actively listening and going, oh, they didn't say this, but they focused in on this. I wonder what that means. You might have a follow -up question to get more clarity around it, but it's not a passive process in any way.
Katherine Hurtig
Right.
Sarah Rosenfeld
So that's what active listening really refers to.
Katherine Hurtig
Obviously knowing that each situation is unique, you know, what are some things, you know, what are some do's and don'ts here? Like what should people say? What should they avoid saying?
Sarah Rosenfeld
Open-ended questions are going to work pretty well because it means you don't have an agenda and you're not having an expectation of how they respond to it. So how are they managing something? Let them tell you how they're managing, not why have you done it this way? Don't make yourself the subject of the conversation. So you might want to relate to create a connection with that person. Try to avoid doing that because then the focus ends up being on you and that person is likely sensitive and they'll perceive that perhaps this is more about you than it is about them.
Katherine Hurtig
Right. That's a, yeah, that's a good one. And like one that we probably, we probably miss. I'm guilty of that. It's like, oh, you're going through that. I'm going through something similar. And it's like, you know, the intention is just is to relate, but I can see how that how that can kind of turn it around.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Absolutely. And you're super sensitive. This is a difficult subject. You're probably feeling some guilt or shame about having to even talk about it. So if there's somebody moving off of the focus being on you, they might perceive that in ways that you don't intend at all. Yeah. So I think that's, as you say, an important one to keep in mind. Empathy and compassion try to put yourself in that person's position try to really be empathetic so reduce the tendency to judge to say you should have done this you need to do this. Don't use stigmatizing language like insane crazy.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah
Sarah Rosenfeld
Right you've been acting crazy that's gonna probably be a trigger for most people I would think.
Katherine Hurtig
And that that empathy if you're having a hard time understanding what this person is going through. Like you haven't experienced those kinds of feelings, but you do, you know, you have that desire to be there for them, but there just is a bit of that disconnect. Like you don't fully understand. What do you recommend to get yourself there? Like phrases to use or, or just ways to, you know, genuinely appear more empathetic.
Sarah Rosenfeld
I think it's about your intention, first of all, going into the conversation, because somebody is going to pick up on if you say something that's been a phrase or a script that you've learned, if there's a mismatch between the language you're using and how they experience the language, it's actually not going to work very well. So I think the first piece is really thinking about how do you want your care and concern to come across for somebody you care about. So that genuine curiosity about what's happening for them is actually the very best place to start because language following that is more likely to match up with what you want to try to communicate. But things that you could say are, I really want to understand what you're going through. Help me understand what you're experiencing.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Sarah Rosenfeld
I'm going to do my best here to pay attention and track with you, but I'm probably going to make some mistakes. So please stick with me. I really want to work with you on this. And I want you to know that I'm here. And it's not just for today, but I'm here for the long run.
Katherine Hurtig
I like all of that because I think that, you know, so many of us, if, you know, we see someone that we care about that's hurting, we want to help, but we don't want to say or do the wrong thing. So I think that that covers so many bases. It's like, yes, I really want to be here for you. I might make mistakes, but I am here and help me be there for you in the way that you need kind of thing.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Yeah, exactly.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Kind of tied to that, you know, saying the wrong thing or maybe asking the wrong kinds of questions. Like how do we offer support and encouragement, you know, without overstepping boundaries or making them feel overwhelmed?
Sarah Rosenfeld
First of all, I think we have to educate ourselves. Often we overstep because we just have a lack of knowledge. So if you suspect somebody's struggling with anxiety or depression or low self -esteem, do some research. Find out how that presents itself, what could be contributing to it, what things will help, what types of interventions are useful. So I think education is going to be really important because then you're going into a conversation a little bit armed with some information that will help you navigate it.
Katherine Hurtig
And correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the source of that education is probably pretty important because I know, like, especially now, like I see a ton of content on social media about mental health. It's not always from people who genuinely know what they're talking about as they may have lived experience or, you know, there's some sort of influencer, but it's not always entirely accurate or helpful, if that makes sense.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Yeah, I think you're right. That's a big part of what you're trying to learn, what sources of information are going to be reliable. So do you have a family physician that you can talk to? Have you had somebody in your family or friend go through something similar? What resources did they rely on? What things were useful to them and what things would they steer you away from? Are there support groups that you can access information from? So it's not just getting information from the internet. It's also trying to find out through your own networks what resources have helped other people, what are credible. And it's through that conversation and discernment that you'll get a sense of this one I might need to be a little bit more wary of.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. But I think it's the dialogue and the open communication about it.
Katherine Hurtig
For sure. So if you're seeing these signs and symptoms in someone you care about that they might be struggling, we're not always equipped to handle that ourselves and nor should we be completely equipped. So how do you suggest encouraging that person to maybe seek help on their own?
Sarah Rosenfeld
So I think one of the things that you do have control over in a situation where you want to bring this up with somebody is actually the time and place of the conversation. That's hugely important. You don't want to be doing it when the person's feeling super overwhelmed or they've just had a really difficult time. You want to really be quite strategic, actually, in how you pick and choose the right place and time to have that dialogue with them. You want to also let them know that you want to have this conversation. You want to prepare them because sometimes people feel like they've been ambushed.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Just wanting to kind of talk to you a little bit about some things and let's find a time when we know it's a less busy time for you. So maybe Sundays are a good day of the week or there's a day during the week that's a little bit calmer because they have less responsibilities.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Sarah Rosenfeld
So preparing them for the conversation that shows respect and compassion like we talked about. Right. You're putting yourself in their position. How would they perceive this? What are the things that I can do to make this as comfortable as possible for them? You want to be careful of your language. So don't use stigmatizing language. We talked about you should have. Why haven't you? Be more invitational. Help me understand. This is what I've observed. This is why I'm concerned. Right? It's an I statement. It's about what you've seen. It's not putting the responsibility on them where they're more likely then to retaliate or become defensive.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Sarah Rosenfeld
And be prepared that the person will be resistant, especially if this is the first time you're having this conversation. They might really struggle with the fact that you're identifying and observing something and they might not be in a place yet to be able to fully hear that and integrate it. So just be prepared for a little bit of pushback and how you're going to handle that. Yeah, I can see that you're upset right now. And I still think it's an important conversation for us to have. So if you want, we can take a little bit of a break. But at some point I would like to come back to this and talk to you a little bit more about it. Maybe you can let me know when that would be a good time for you.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Thank you for giving that kind of example of how to approach that resistance.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Right. So it's not about pushing into it saying, what do you mean you're resisting?
Katherine Hurtig
Right.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Or what do you, because then you're making, again, we talked earlier, you're making it about you, but I care about you. And this is, right. So that's when you kind of have to back away and say, this is still important. You're setting a boundary that you're going to come back to it. Yeah. But it's also being prepared and anticipating that. And then being willing if the person actually says in that conversation, yeah, you're right, I actually do have a problem. I just don't have a clue where to start.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Say, well, that's what I'm here to help you with, actually. I can do some research. I can take those first steps. I can make some phone calls. And then maybe we can meet again when I have a bit more information. How does that sound to you?
Katherine Hurtig
This is calming me down. I love it. That's awesome. Yeah, I hope, you know, someone listening feels reassured by these examples of what to say to someone they love.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Yeah, I think sometimes that's the hardest part, right? People get so worried about what they're going to say. They put a lot of pressure on themselves. Again, coming from that place of care and concern, that's, you know, how I would talk about it. But everybody's going to have a bit of a different flavor. Some people might use humor.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Yeah, it's like, I mean, use your own language that would feel natural to you. But this kind of gives people just a bit of a template on …
Sarah Rosenfeld
Yeah, a starting point.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Like we have connections with these people. Like, I mean, whether it's a close friend, a family member, a child, a parent, whatever, that relationship, like they're going through something. But obviously it's going to affect us as well. It's going to have an impact. So where do we kind of draw the line? Where do we set boundaries for our own well -being? And how do we do that? Like if their situation is kind of impacting us and stressing us out.
Sarah Rosenfeld
I think this is a really important question for a number of reasons. I think often people will sacrifice their own health and well -being to care for other people. Yeah. And actually that's not a helpful way to look at it. Because your self-care and your ability to maintain your boundaries is absolutely essential when you're dealing with somebody that has mental health challenges. And it's not about selfishness. It's actually about modeling for that person because often they're struggling with that as well.
Katherine Hurtig
Right.
Sarah Rosenfeld
About how to have care and compassion and be able to look after yourself at the same time. Why this is important is it then lets people understand, like I said, the modeling part. But it also helps you be able to have a pathway to be able to communicate information to them that's really essential and relevant. So often people withhold information when they're dealing with somebody with a mental health challenge when really the very thing they need to know is that information. But so often, as you said earlier, people don't say things because they're worried about saying the wrong things. And then there's a dynamic that's created where everybody's kind of walking around the person that has the mental health issue or challenge. Right. because they just don't know how to intervene or what to say. So when you're establishing healthy boundaries, what you're doing is you're telling your family member, this is what behavior is actually appropriate. This is when you've overstepped. This is when I feel hurt by what you've done. And then this actually might prompt them to take the next steps they need to take to be able to get the help that they need.
Katherine Hurtig
Okay, yeah.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Because you're actually helping them understand often they're not sure, right? Oh, well, I'm allowed to be upset. I'm allowed to raise my voice. I'm allowed to use this language. Well, actually, you're not. You're allowed to be hurt and struggling, but you're not allowed to be abusive. You're not allowed to be the only person that has needs. So in a way, those boundaries help them appreciate and understand where they begin, where they end, and when it might be the appropriate time to seek additional support and help.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, that's a great and really helpful way to frame that. That in the end it is beneficial for kind of both parties. It's like expressing what you need but also showing that that's kind of, that's how it's done to the other person.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Yeah, and I think it's remembering that you're not pushing that person away. It's about acceptable behavior and unacceptable behavior, and that is always relevant regardless of what the presenting issue is.
Katherine Hurtig
That phrase you used, pushing someone away, that's sometimes what boundaries can feel like, yeah. But it's important to recognize that that's not the case.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Yeah, because most often in these situations, the person is lacking self -awareness and an ability to see how their behavior is impacting somebody else. So in a way, you're helping them come to that understanding and appreciation. So is that not helping them?
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, of course. So we're obviously not the only person in our loved one's life. Can you talk a bit about why a network of support, you know, of different people, why that's important and how as someone who cares about them, we can kind of help them build that or look into it or, yeah, nurture other relationships?
Sarah Rosenfeld
I think the challenge sometimes with mental health is the stigma connected to it. So if we can use other situations in our life, like when somebody is looking for work, they tell people, they network, they talk to other people, they apply online, they might go see a recruiter, they're talking to family, they're talking to friends. In a way, mental health isn't any different. It's that there's stigma connected to that. So we have to help normalize for people that those pockets of support, whether it's friends, extended family support groups, different health organizations, online communities, that just allows for more resilience.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Because you're not going to burn out as much if you have other ways and mechanisms and other people that can help you through this challenge. But it's the thing that we all have to get past, which is it's okay to talk about this. It's okay to let people know you need support or you're looking for resources. And so I think it just allows for more of a web and network of support versus having this fall on one person and that being just an impossible task.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. One thing you had mentioned that might be a sign that someone's struggling is just kind of, you know, this overwhelm or inability to kind of handle like day -to -day things. How can someone kind of support someone they care about through daily responsibilities when they're struggling with their mental health?
Sarah Rosenfeld
Offer really practical strategies with overwhelming tasks. Let's break things down for them. It's overwhelming because they can't figure out how to maybe even do their laundry. So, okay, let's put in a pile, sequence of steps that somebody follows, and then they can start to have the independence to do it on their own. But it becomes so overwhelming that they can't even begin.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Sarah Rosenfeld
So it's really about being practical, pragmatic, maybe getting them to write the steps down, showing them the first time then having them do it independently the next time it's kind of really you're in that coaching role sometimes and I think for some people especially if somebody's been able to function at a high level and then they're having a struggle with their mental health people forget that those little things would make a huge difference and they're also struggling with the fact that six months ago you could do this thing right how come you've lost the ability to do that. That's actually going to be less helpful than saying, okay, this is where we're at. Let's figure out how to get you back to a place where you can manage this independently.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Really that compassionate acceptance of kind of where someone is at at the moment. I mean, we kind of went over this when we were talking about boundaries, but you know, how do you take care of your own mental health while also supporting someone else who might be struggling.
Sarah Rosenfeld
So I would just want to say that it can be really challenging to balance your needs and somebody else's needs. And it's not an act of selfishness to meet your own needs. I think we all have to understand and appreciate that that way of thinking is quite unhelpful. If you're not taking care of yourself, you're not going to be able to take care of the people you love.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. You won’t have the capacity.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Exactly. So you have to schedule the things that you know are going to be helpful to you in managing your own stress level. So make time to access your own networks. So if you have a commitment where you haven't seen a girlfriend in a long time, but you want to be home to look after your loved one because you're worried about them, it's not every morning. It's every other morning. It's three times a week and then start maybe ask on what they're planning on doing. Yeah. Routines and rituals. Right? Is there something? Make time to see other people. Prepare them. Give them that information ahead of time. But still follow through on the things that you think are going to be important to your mental health and well -being. Let the loved one know that you're going to be out that evening. And don't be afraid to ask for help from friends and family.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, that's huge.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Right? If you're concerned maybe about leaving them alone for a weekend, can somebody come in and, I don't know, have a meal with them? If that's going to allow you to go and have a nice weekend with your partner, but you're worried about their safety, for instance, maybe you have somebody come in and check in on them.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Sarah Rosenfeld
So being able to have that web of support that we talked about is going to be really important. Because often, while there's an acute phase to some of these things, there's also going to be time that needs to pass for that person to reorient themselves, start implementing strategies, get the professional help they need, start therapy if that's needed.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Sarah Rosenfeld
And that takes time.
Katherine Hurtig
For sure. And as much as we care about them, it's not something that we can hold their hand through.
Sarah Rosenfeld
And a big part of their journey is starting to reclaim some of their autonomy and their independence, which is what they've lost. And the way through that is to actually start doing things more independently because that will be a source of pride and achievement for them.
Katherine Hurtig
You brought up the word safety and that kind of brings me to my next question. Like if someone you care about is going through like a mental health crisis, so if they're having panic attacks, if they're, you know, if they're talking suicide, what do you do in those scenarios?
Sarah Rosenfeld
I think being prepared. So not thinking that it won't happen, but knowing that there's a possibility that it could happen.
Katherine Hurtig
Okay.
Sarah Rosenfeld
So what I mean by that is you want to know where's the nearest hospital? How far away is it from your house? What's the route that you take to get there? Do you have access to the crisis lines? because often in a situation where the person is decompensating or really struggling or you're worried about their safety, people then become pretty heightened themselves. But if you've kind of anticipated or prepared in the event that this occurs, you have all the information you need, right? You know how to get to the hospital. You know the crisis lines that you could sit down with them and make that phone call.
Katherine Hurtig
I'm assuming you wouldn't want to like try to talk someone down yourself. Like this is something that should probably be left...
Sarah Rosenfeld
Acute crisis, I think it's really important to go to the people that have the expertise to be able to manage that. So the person is threatening suicide or you've noticed a very significant increase in their level of agitation. They're not able to keep themselves safe. They might say they feel there's something wrong with their mind or they're not thinking clearly. They haven't been sleeping very much, so they're not able to process information. If there's an acute level of distress, you need to have other resources support your family member through that.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Okay. So let's say some steps have been made. You've talked to your friend about your concerns. They're seeking help. They're kind of on the road to working things out. How can you kind of support them during that treatment plan, like whatever that may look like, whether that's counselling, medication, other interventions, that kind of thing?
Sarah Rosenfeld
I think one of the things that's really important is creating an environment within your system or network that demonstrates trust, open and clear communication and empathy. Because if you have those things in place, it doesn't matter what the obstacle is, you'll be able to tackle it and manage it. So you want to listen without being judgmental. You want to be able to express that care and understanding, provide reassurance. and those are kind of the essential components. If you're feeling like you can't be in that space, that's why you need the extra support and resources to support you to be able to come back to the situation and interaction effectively. Because really what you're trying to do is empower them to seek the help, to follow through on their treatment plan. If it got missed, okay, you missed today. How do we get you back on track for tomorrow? You're helping them promote those self -care practices and you're encouraging them to take the steps that are needed to prioritize their mental health and well -being, that it's not somebody else's job. It's their role and responsibility to look after themselves.
Katherine Hurtig
I think that's a huge point to make because, you know, throughout this conversation and this mindset, it's like, how do we help someone along? But at a certain point it is an individual's responsibility to take care of themselves too.
Sarah Rosenfeld
It's also a privilege, Katherine. Yeah. I think we have to help people recognize that it's a privilege to care for yourself, nurture yourself, do the things that promote your well -being.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Yeah.
Sarah Rosenfeld
And sometimes in their frame of mind, they're feeling like it's a burden. And so helping them, you know, you have the gift to be able to get up today and do the things you need to do to look after yourself. Right. to nurture your body, to feed yourself, to go for a walk, to exercise, to reflect on what's working well.
Katherine Hurtig
When we see someone we care about improving, doing better, they are handling things better. They are getting out of bed and going to work. They're taking those regular showers. They're regularly going to counselling. How do we help them kind of celebrate those wins?
Sarah Rosenfeld
Remember their daily achievements, like you said. It's not about the big aggregate walking across the stage when you graduate, which is sometimes where we focus on our wins and celebrations. It's all the little things that led up to that day being so meaningful. So noticing their progress, actually saying, you look nice today. I really like how you've done your hair. How was breakfast? It looked like it was a really good one. What did you make today? Tell me about it. Writing things down and tracking progress. So the brain has this amazing tendency, if we don't cultivate it, to always look at the thing in front of us and not notice the thing that we have been doing that's working so well. So encouraging them to write down, right, that they're doing little daily tasks that they're proud of, right, that they have been showering, that they are eating three square meals a day, that they're having lots of water. Writing those things down will help with the celebration because they'll be able to look back and go, oh, look how much progress I've made.
Katherine Hurtig
I've for sure. I found that that helpful for me. It's like we take time to set aside the big wins, the bigger accomplishments. But really, like if we have a bad day but still make it through and go for a walk at the end of the day, that's a good thing. That's something we can be proud of. Absolutely. And it's, yeah, making sure that we, yeah, that we recognize that.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Yeah. But that's a mindset, right? It's helping cultivate that mindset where you're noticing those gains and not in a way where you're inflating your ego, but just, yeah, I'm doing these things. I'm managing. I'm following my routines. Sharing them. And why that's important, it creates two things. Accountability, because you're saying, look, I'm doing this thing, but also a support network. Yeah, yeah. Cheer me on. I have done these things. I am accomplishing these things. And then it helps to strengthen that connection you have with other people. Create rituals of celebration. Like, you know, I've been able to make my breakfast regularly for a month. Make yourself a special breakfast.
Katherine Hurtig
I deserve a little treat.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Exactly. Or a relaxing activity. Whatever floats your boat, right? Like everybody's going to be different. But again, that act of celebration reinforces the positive behavior. And just give yourself permission to embrace imperfections because setbacks are just a natural part of progress. We're not linear. We don't decide we're going to do something and then it's a straight shot to that destination. Yeah. We have setbacks. We have bad days. We have tough moments. And it's about saying, OK, that was challenging. Tomorrow, I'm still going to get up and have my breakfast, even though today was a really tough day. I'm still going to follow through on the things that I've committed to and I'm still going to hold myself accountable.
Katherine Hurtig
I think that's a super important thing to remember in like so many aspects of life. It's like it's every day. You can't improve every single day. There are going to be days where you take a step back, and that's normal and okay, and, you know, don't be hard on yourself. Just wake up the next day and take the next step again. Yeah. Yeah. And finally, like, can you think of any other resources that are available for people who are supporting loved ones with their mental health?
Sarah Rosenfeld
I think maybe finding a way to access other people that are caregivers to people that struggle with mental health issues, because that's going to allow you to share your experience. They're going to really know where you're coming from. It'll be very validating, very empowering. I think that kind of support and resource would be really valuable. And maybe connecting not only with that type of a resource, but just other people who've had their own personal experiences with mental health, right? Learning from that.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Like you said, that, you know, educating yourself and having that better understanding of what it's actually like.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Yeah. Yeah. I think that can be really useful.
Katherine Hurtig
Awesome. Thank you so much, Sarah. This was a really, really helpful conversation.
Sarah Rosenfeld
You're so welcome. We'll have to do it again.
Katherine Hurtig
Yes. We'll get you that jacket.
Sarah Rosenfeld
Sounds good.
Katherine Hurtig
You've been listening to Living Fully. Thank you for tuning in. This episode was produced by Gus Hunt, Luiza Campos, and by me, Katherine Hurtig.
We all experience moments when we feel down or not like ourselves, and it's natural to struggle when these emotions last. But you have the power to overcome them. Anyone can learn the skills to manage these feelings, and even a small single step can make a difference. From October 7th to 13th, take a moment to check in with how you're feeling at areyoufeelingok.com, a free confidential quiz designed to guide you toward feeling better and finding support if you need it. Brought to you by Calgary Counselling Centre and Counselling Alberta.
To stay up to date on our latest episodes, be sure to subscribe. We're available in your favorite podcast app. Living Fully is a production of Calgary Counselling Centre and recorded in Calgary on Treaty 7 territory. Living Fully podcast is not a substitute or alternative for professional care or treatment. Calgary Counselling Centre and Counselling Alberta provide effective counselling for anyone in Alberta with no waitlist and no financial barriers. Find us online at calgarycounselling.com or counsellingalberta.com. For help across Canada and the United States, call 211. If you are outside of Canada and the US, Seek help from your general medical practitioner.