There’s no right way to grieve—and that’s okay
Grief doesn’t come with a manual. There are no set rules, timelines, or checklists to follow. Yet many people come to counselling wondering if they’re grieving the "right" way. This doubt can lead to shame, guilt, and added distress—on top of an already painful experience.
One of the most common misconceptions about grief is the idea that it should look and feel a certain way or follow a specific timeline. Some people ask, “Is there something wrong with me because I’m not grieving more?” We often see dramatic portrayals of grief in movies or on social media, but not the quieter, everyday reality of how grief often unfolds.
Others come to counselling because they worry their grief is lasting too long. They may feel like they should be “over it” by now, especially if friends or family have stopped checking in. This can create pressure to move on, even when the pain is still very present. It’s common to wonder, “Why am I still feeling this way?” or “Is something wrong with me?” But there’s no deadline for grief. The fact that it's lasting doesn’t mean you’re grieving incorrectly—it means your loss was significant, and your response is human.
In truth, grief isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s shaped by personal histories, values, relationships, and beliefs. For some, grief is raw and visible. For others, it’s quiet and internal. Some may feel deep sadness, while others experience numbness or even relief. Every response is valid.
That’s why self-compassion is so important. Part of navigating grief is recognizing that your experience is your own—and that it’s okay if it doesn’t match what you expected, or what others think it should be. No matter how you're feeling or how long it takes, it’s valid and it's okay.
It's also common to feel like others have moved on before you have. In the early days of loss, support is often abundant. But over time, check-ins may become less frequent—even though your grief remains just as real.
For many, grief is a longer process than what society typically makes space for. That mismatch can leave people feeling isolated, as though they should be “over it” by now. But grief doesn’t work on a schedule. It reflects what was meaningful, and it deserves time, care, and understanding.
If you're feeling stuck or overwhelmed by grief, talking to a counsellor can help. Counselling provides a safe, supportive space to explore what you're going through and find ways to care for yourself—on your own terms.
Information for this blog was provided by psychologist Ashley Enzie. Learn more about our counsellors.