9 ways to cope with grief and loss
As we go through life, we experience different types of loss. While some may be more intense than others, they all invoke a natural feeling of grief. The global pandemic has only increased the amount of loss individuals feel and many are looking for healthy ways to cope and move forward. While there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are a variety of things you can do to help yourself through this process. Whether your source of grief is from the ending of a relationship, the passing of a loved one, a cancelled graduation ceremony or even the inability to hug those around you, the feelings and emotions you’re experiencing are valid.
How you manage grief may be different from someone else’s and that is okay. Some of the examples below may work better for you than others, so please take away the ones that suit you best.
Focus on what you can control
Focusing on the areas of your life that you can control brings stability and a sense of empowerment. No one likes feeling powerless, which is why it’s necessary to recognize what is out of your control and what is within it. During a time of grief and loss, one thing that is within your control is how you take care of yourself. Make sure you’re taking the time to do the things that make you happy and bring you joy. If painting, reading or cooking brings you peace, set aside time to do that. If working on a car or building a table takes your mind off things, don’t be scared to say you need the space for it. We all heal and grieve differently and it’s important for you and others to respect that.
Share your thoughts and feelings with others
In general, but especially right now, we want to help each other. Your friends and family want to be there for you as much as they appreciate you being there for them. When you shoulder each other’s pain and hurt, the burden becomes lighter. It’s okay to reach out to someone and ask if they are free to chat.
Take time to recognize and honour your loss
Due to COVID-19, funeral services and the ways in which we recognize the passing of loved ones have changed. If you’ve lost someone you care about during this time, make sure you take an opportunity to acknowledge this loss and share how you feel and what they meant to you. Whether it’s simply a video chat with family where everyone shares stories and thoughts, the act of paying tribute to the person who passed away can bring a sense of closure.
Remind yourself that you can get through this
Although grief can be painful, it’s important to remember that the pain and emotions you’re feeling will pass. What you’re going through likely isn’t the first time you’ve experienced something challenging. Remind yourself of what you’ve been able to get through in the past and the steps you took to feel better.
Be compassionate with yourself
Practice self-compassion. You’re stronger than you may think and will be able to work through this loss. Show yourself love and kindness by taking a moment to breathe and don’t have unrealistic expectations of yourself. You’re experiencing a lot of emotions and changes, therefore it’s natural to ease off the gas pedal and slow down for a second.
It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling
When we experience pain, we often try to resist it but practicing acceptance of all the emotions you feel you and acknowledging what you are going through helps you to better prepare for difficult situations in the future. Acceptance is a skill that takes work – be kind to yourself if it doesn’t feel easy right away.
Write a gratitude list or journal
Writing down your experiences and feelings can help you process your emotions. It can also be helpful to make a list of what you’re grateful for or the positive things in your life, whether it be big or small. This release of emotion and the recognition of the positive can be very beneficial in boosting your mood.
Spend time outdoors
Fresh air, the sunshine, a gentle breeze – getting out in nature is another way to elevate your mood. It can be very grounding to take time to mindfully notice the world around you. It can be as simple as enjoying the morning sun in your yard or a walk around the block.
Seek counselling
Counselling is a proven way of working through many challenges, including pain and suffering. While grief is a natural part of life, speaking with a counsellor can give you new strategies for coping and help you work through the grieving process. Learn more about how Calgary Counselling Centre can help you.
How you can help others
If you know someone who has recently experienced a loss and you want to help, consider some of the following suggestions:
Call, phone or video chat with them. Checking in and listening to them can be helpful.
Drop off a meal at their door.
Ask them to go on social distance walk. The exercise and fresh air and time together can make a difference.
If you’d like to learn more about what it means to cope with grief and loss, watch our interview with registered social worker and counsellor, Camille Kim.