Talking to kids about tragic events
Recently, there has been wide news coverage of many tragic incidents. From the ongoing war in Ukraine to the several mass shootings taking place in the US. These events naturally provoke feelings of sadness, anxiety, frustration, and fear. Even though our lived experiences may be quite different from the tragic events taking place, hearing about these situations can be draining and emotional.
As adults, we’ve most likely experienced hardships, or dealt with loss, and although tragic events can be difficult, adults are likely better equipped than children, to navigate emotions when confronted with tragic news.
How are children impacted by these events? What can you do as a parent or caregiver to walk them through processing the thoughts and emotions that come after tragedy?
Check in with yourself and process your own emotions before approaching the subject with your child
Before having a conversation with your child about a mass shooting, public tragedy, or any other upsetting event, make sure that you’re in the right frame of mind to have that talk.
Check in with yourself:
Have you had the chance to process what’s happened? Have you acknowledged your own emotions? Will you be able to stay calm?
Be mindful of where you’re at with the situation. Not only are children sponges when it comes to new information, they also feed off the energy and mood of the adults in their lives. If you’re upset and haven’t had a chance to process what’s happened appropriately, this may cause a sense of fear and franticness in your child.
Be mindful of how you talk about the situation in the presence of your child. We naturally speak differently with other adults than we do with our children – negative, frightening, hurtful, or judgmental language can impact how a child processes their own thoughts and feelings about the tragedy.
It’s okay to acknowledge if you’re not the best person to have this conversation with your child. If the situation is too distressing for you, you may want to call on the help of another adult family member or a mental health professional.
How to talk about tragedy
Explore what your child already knows. You could start the conversation by saying: “I’m sure you’ve heard by now that something really scary happened in Texas/Ukraine. What have you heard?”
Open the conversation up to them. Let them tell you what they know, and actively listen. It is likely that they have some idea of what’s going on – these conversations are happening at schools, on social media, and on the news.
Keep the conversation appropriate for the age of the child. For children six and under, keep the message about a sentence long. More could be too overwhelming. Give them the basics – don’t get into the details – and then let them ask any questions they have. Don’t lie about the information that’s out there, keep it as concrete as possible.
Emphasize the safety that does exist. You could say “the world is a big place, scary things can happen, but that’s not normal.” Continue to explore what they’re feeling through feelings charts, emojis, or other tools to help them identify their emotions. You can let them know how it is making you feel as well – “I feel really sad that this happened.”
Children may have questions about why violence and tragedy happen. Explaining the reasons behind these events depends very much on the age of the child. If they are little, something like: “a person did some bad things.” Keep it simple.
You can have more of a conversation with an older child or teen. Explore what their thoughts and feelings are around it and create a space for them to talk about their own experiences.
Highlight the heroes that emerge out of tragedy by talking about them with your children. The communities that come together. The people that give love and service to others. Build a sense of hope instead of hopelessness.
Preparing for tragedy
From the stories of violence in the States and around the world, comes a desire to act. A desire to protect our children and prepare them in the rare case they are ever faced with something similar.
Many schools, even in our community, practice safety drills and lockdown simulations with students, preparing them for potentially dangerous situations. This may seem extreme or upsetting, thinking of our children preparing for a possible shooter, but how we talk about these safety procedures can impact how they are perceived by our children.
Normalize these drills and practices for your child. Preparing and learning what to do in these situations, like a fire drill, is a normal safety measure that we regularly practice, not something to fear.
Help reassure them by focusing on the skills they are building – “chances are, you may never experience something like this. But if you do, we know that you have the skills to best help and protect yourself.”
Throughout times of tragedy and through conversations with your child, keep an eye out for symptoms of fear and anxiety, such as nightmares, persistent thoughts, distraction, agitation etc. As a family, take needed breaks from social media and the news. If you’re concerned about your child, we can help. Learn more and reach out today.
Information for this blog post was provided by registered social worker, Ledja Pengu. Learn more about our counsellors.