Handling the anxieties of independence
Moving out on your own, making your own decisions, starting your life as an adult – these are exciting times but they can be intimidating too.
Whether you’re moving out of town for your first year of university or renting a place on your own for the first time, here are a few ways to make sure you don’t get overcome by the stresses of adulthood.
Preparing for independence
We all have obligations and responsibilities. Whether at work or home, there seems to be an endless list of things that need to get done. Before you move out, there’s the advantage of sharing some of these tasks with your family. But when you’re on your own, especially at first, it can get a little overwhelming having to manage it all. It’s important to have some basic skills down before you’re in the deep end trying to figure things out yourself.
Some of these skills could include:
Separating and doing laundry
Washing dishes
Vacuuming and mopping
Creating grocery lists
Managing a bill or subscription
While these skills may seem simple, they can still be a little daunting when you have to do them all yourself. Here are some ways you can prepare for these responsibilities in advance.
List all the tasks/responsibilities you need to do.
Schedule these by month (i.e.pay rent, internet service), week (i.e. do laundry, clean bathroom), day (i.e. walk the dog, make bed).
Limit yourself to one bigger task per day and maybe two or three smaller ones. This way the work won’t feel overwhelming.
Set a schedule in your phone or calendar to make sure you don’t miss anything
Try to focus on one or two of these tasks at a time and do your best to finish them before your leisure time. Procrastination will only make these responsibilities more stressful the longer they are put off.
After you’ve got a handle on what you need to do, you can:
Pinpoint the areas that might cause struggles – maybe cleaning the bathroom took a lot longer than you thought, or you’re stuck on what laundry detergent to use
Highlight your strengths – you’re a wizard with a lawn mower, or cleaning the dishes is a breeze!
Discuss with a roommate or a visiting friend or family member what you may have missed or any tips they might have to make these tasks easier. An outside perspective never hurts, especially one who realizes you’re doing this for the first time
A good way to prepare yourself is to practice before moving out. Doing so will help you get a good sense of what needs to be done, the time it may take and how to do it properly (you know, not have all your underwear turn out pink or your favorite sweater shrunk after the wash). It’s easier to get some practice and make these mistakes in a setting where your family will appreciate the effort put forward and can give you helpful tips and guidance.
Independence does not mean you are on your own
Independence does not mean you have to handle everything by yourself. When on your own in any circumstance, build a safe ‘home base’ – people you can count on - to lean back on if you need some assistance.
This can be made up of:
Parents or guardians
Siblings
Extended family like aunts, uncles, and cousins
Close friends
You don’t have to do everything on your own. Ask for help, especially when you’re trying to get a good handle on things — it’s a very smart thing to do! Have some people on your “corner” who have experienced the same struggles you have and can help you work through any issues you're facing.
Managing expectations
Most of all, be easy on yourself. Remember, no one ever handles this transition perfectly. You’ll probably get a load of laundry pink at some point or burn your fair share of toast. But that’s ok, don’t beat yourself up and worry about judgement over first-time mistakes. Everyone has to go through this phase at one point or another in their life. Know when to give yourself a break and fall back on your safety net of family and friends whenever you may need.
Information for this blog post was provided by registered social worker Ledja Pengu. Learn more about our counsellors.