Season 2, Episode 9: Stepping Into Adulthood — Strategies for Coping and Thriving
Finishing high school. Moving away from home, heading to university. Starting your first “real job.” These are big, exciting changes. You gain more independence but the path to adulthood can also feel overwhelming at times. In this episode, we explore the unique mental health challenges that young adults face as they transition to adulthood. Psychologist Wardah Elahi sheds light on these challenges and offers practical advice for navigating this critical phase of life. From dealing with financial stress and pressure, to gaining autonomy, to building a healthy relationship with technology, this episode covers a range of strategies to smooth the transition into adulthood.
Extra resources
Navigating the transition from adolescence to adulthood can be both exciting and challenging. Throughout this transition young adults may face different challenges such as financial, employment or isolation. In Alberta, there are many resources available to support young adults as they embark on this journey. Whether you're looking for help with education, career planning, mental health, or financial management, this list is designed to provide you with valuable resources and services.
Key Resources for Young Adults in Alberta
Offering low or no-cost money management programs for Calgarians, Momentum is dedicated to helping individuals achieve financial stability and independence.
Connect with people in your community around shared interests.
Dial 211 or visit their website for a comprehensive help line providing information on a wide variety of programs and services, including housing, employment, food and basic needs, addiction supports, and more.
Find a food bank in your area at foodbanksalberta.ca. This resource ensures access to food support services for those in need.
These resources are here to assist you in building a solid foundation for your future. Take advantage of these opportunities to enhance your skills, connect with your community, and secure the support you need.
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Katherine Hurtig
Welcome to Living Fully, a podcast dedicated to enhancing your mental well-being. Each episode explores valuable insights and practical strategies to help you lead a more fulfilling life. I'm your host, Katherine Hurtig.
Transitioning to adulthood can be an exciting time. You're becoming more independent. The world is opening up to you. Are you going to go to school? Travel? Get a job? Having these choices can feel pretty great. But this time can also be quite stressful, especially now. I sat down with psychologist Wardah Elahi to talk about the milestones of moving toward adulthood and the ways that young people can build up their mental health routine and coping skills toolbox.
So I'm here with Wardah Elahi. Did I say that right?
Wardah Elahi
Hi. Yes, you did.
Katherine Hurtig
Thank you for talking with me today.
Wardah Elahi
Yeah, no worries. It definitely is a really good topic. And when I saw it, I was like, I want to talk about this for sure.
Katherine Hurtig
Awesome. Thank you. Let's start. I mean, you were on the podcast a little while ago. But in case people don't remember, can you tell us a bit about who you are and your background?
Wardah Elahi
Yeah. So my name is Wardah Elahi and I have been working at Calgary Counselling for a while - since 2020, so it's been like four years, but I went through my internship here and then I did my residency and then now I'm a registered psychologist.
Katherine Hurtig
Excellent.
Wardah Elahi
So yeah. And then primarily I work with every kind of population, but a lot of them are young adults and teenagers as well, and then, yeah, there are some people in their late 20s that come as well. So you have a good mix of clients. So that's why I was excited to look into this topic more myself, in detail and then also talk about some of the experiences with that population.
Katherine Hurtig
For sure. Yeah, it sounds like you're going to have some good insight into what they're going through.
Wardah Elahi
Yeah, yeah.
Katherine Hurtig
Excellent. So let's get started. Wardah, as young adults kind of, they end high school, they’re entering adulthood, what are some common potential mental health challenges that they may face?
Wardah Elahi
Well, I feel like with this population, there's a lot that's going on all at once. There are so many changes, there are relationship changes and job changes. A lot of societal pressures to be kind of settled in and have an education or have a job or be independent, and so the transition from this time can be very difficult to navigate, even if you're going from high school to college, right? Like that's a huge transition where it's, you know, you're kind of asking to go to the washroom in high school and then all of a sudden, your profs don't know your name, right? Or even if you choose not to go to college and you're just working or taking a gap year, that's still a huge transition.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot more accountability there.
Wardah Elahi
Exactly. So the exploration of this self-identity and values and also learning to be independent can bring about a lot of stigmas when it comes to mental health, because young adults feel like they need to be independent and so reaching out for help and things like that may be harder because they feel like.
Katherine Hurtig
They should have it all together.
Wardah Elahi
or they could do this on their own. And like with other age groups, right? This is different because usually our identity is set through school or if we're outside of school, maybe in our later 20s we found out a lot of things about ourselves by that point. So it's like there's this key gap in that space.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Wardah Elahi
So we're kind of learning to swim essentially.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, that uncertainty. Yeah, and you talked about independence. So how can working towards that maybe impact mental health? What steps do you think people can take to navigate that shift?
Wardah Elahi
Yeah. Well, I mean, there are positive and negative impacts to gaining independence, right? Like the positive would be it gives you a greater sense of control over your own life. It can be empowering. It can be great for self-esteem if now nobody's setting the rules for you or giving you a curfew or whatever it is that you know your parents used to do. And then there are opportunities for personal growth and development when you take on new responsibilities. And you can also like, since you're now venturing into the outside world, kind of right, like you also develop new social connections that you may not have met when you were in high school or junior high or at any age because you're probably with the same kind of people, if you're living in the same area.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Wardah Elahi
Yeah, so like there are positives, but then the negative impacts can be feelings of isolation, and loneliness, especially if you're moving away from a familiar support network. So there could be increased pressure for financial stuff, academic stuff, and yeah, for some people there's a lot of fear of failure and uncertainty that comes with this independence, right? Because you don't know if you're going to succeed after there's a setback, right? So a lot of people fear the setbacks essentially, and then to navigate this, right? So along with accessing supports and developing those healthy coping skills. The one key thing is embracing flexibility and adaptability. Those are the two main things that I recommend and kind of recognizing that the path to independence is not always linear and acknowledge that there might be setbacks and that is OK. It's just a way to learn.
Katherine Hurtig
Right making mistakes. Trial and error, that kind of thing.
Wardah Elahi
Yeah, because you're not expected to know at all at like 18, 19, right? Like, you're young and you haven't experienced much, hopefully not in terms of financial and those kinds of things.
Katherine Hurtig
Do you think like the time we're in has kind of changed or increased the pressure that you kind of put on yourself to be independent like you know even I see it like and I have far transitioned into adulthood. What you see on social media, even if you know like I know this is curated. I know this is just the highlights. It's hard not to make comparisons.
Wardah Elahi
Yeah, comparison is the thief of joy, right?
Katherine Hurtig
Yes. I love that statement.
Wardah Elahi
If you're comparing, you will always fall short in some aspects. But it's also important to remember that the things you see on social media, are those the things you truly want? Do they align with what you want? For example, if you see all your friends getting married or engaged. Like do you truly want that, or if you're, if you see your friends doing degrees, do you truly want that degree, or is it just because you're seeing it? Right. So yeah, I think it's just about that self-reflection.
Katherine Hurtig
You brought up financial stress and I think that is and that's going to continue to be, you know, a significant concern for lots of young adults. How could that part of our lives, you know, finances, how can they impact our mental well-being and what kind of coping skills do you recommend for managing that stress?
Wardah Elahi
Given the rate of global inflation by doing some research and a lot of it says that young adults have put the cost of living as their main concern or as one of their top concerns, which is fair. Like, there's a lot of that, right. And then when money problems interfere with daily life managing day-to-day responsibilities can get hard and it can be challenging if you have anxiety related to money. And then money and depression can also be linked, because if there's a lack of funds that can create a negative work-life balance, right? And that can leave young adults feeling isolated or lonely because primarily what they're doing is just coming back from work, eating and then going to sleep. Right. So yeah, the cost of living is quite high. The ways that I recommend are the two more basic ways of just trying to get your sleep and prioritizing that. So that way your thoughts aren't spiralling when you have more control over your mood and the other things would be, yeah, moving your body. That would be the other thing that is within our control and that we can do.
Katherine Hurtig
So you mean like exercise and physical activity? And that kind of thing.
Wardah Elahi
Yeah. Like even just yeah, exercise going for a 5-minute walk every day. Like just moving your body in some way that you find helpful, even if it's just dancing around in your living room. Like that's moving your body with something nice for yourself and something fun. And yeah, the other thing is learning how to budget. I know when I was definitely getting into that stage like that was a big thing where I don't know if high schools now teach more of that, but when I was in high school, that wasn't a topic of discussion, I think now that I hear from some young adults and people, I know that they're saying more and more courses are becoming more relevant to after-high school life
Katherine Hurtig
I know, yeah. Yeah, that's so important.
Wardah Elahi
and things like that. Yeah, and so and even like, just talking to financial advisors a lot of times that's free and they can help you a lot in terms of paying off any loans, talking to creditors on your behalf and kind of helping you budget and giving you information on where to invest and things like that. So that's always a good resource I think to go to. And then the other big one is identifying any spending triggers. Is that like, you know, if you're getting into a fight and then going to a mall, right? To just spend, retail therapy is like a big thing, right? Or if you're impulse buying when you're bored, like, online shopping is so convenient now, like, I have my credit card number memorized because I've always been putting it into.
Katherine Hurtig
Other things, yeah. I deleted one of those shopping apps off of my phone because I just found it way too easy. Yeah, I was totally one of those. I would just see anything. Yeah, anything could be advertised and you know, within seconds.
Wardah Elahi
It’s dangerous.
Katherine Hurtig
it'd be on its way. So you said it's spending triggers. OK. If you're kind of coping with negative emotions by spending money by going shopping, that kind of thing, what are some other healthier ways to kind of point that energy? Or deal with those feelings?
Wardah Elahi
Yeah. I mean, most of it is regulating emotions, right? Like if you are in a negative headspace, it's more about just taking some time to pause. And even if, let's say, impulse buying is your thing, maybe learning to leave that thing in your cart. For a week, right? So that way you can decide whether or not it's worth it? A lot of times I've done that, and if it sells out, it sells out. Like that's OK. It was just not meant to be and then, other times I'm like, OK, if I can live with this like, you know, with this decision for a week and think on it then. I'm not impulsive. Yeah, you might be something you want, and you just take some time to reflect and. Yeah, and then kind of picking up other coping mechanisms. Right. So again, I mentioned exercise, meditation, breathing exercises, music, writing things out, talking to friends like there are so many other avenues you could be taking as opposed to just pressing buy.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, I like that you gave like a big list there because there's some things that you know just aren't going to resonate with people, but those aren't the only options, you know.
Wardah Elahi
For sure. And there's more than what I just listed, right? It's just something about finding what works for you.
Katherine Hurtig
Like since the pandemic and I mean of course before then, but I think kind of since the pandemic so much has happened. I mean, there's wars. There's, you know, there's like, a divisive political landscape , there's so many things that we're seeing on the news that are changing our world. And young people are going to be dealing with this right? And they're, you know, we see a lot of young people, passionate about these social issues. So, yeah. How do you, as a counselor, help clients kind of process their feelings and maintain a sense of hope?
Wardah Elahi
Yeah, that's a good point because especially if you're on social media, which a lot of young adults are, you're seeing a lot, maybe a lot more than, I don't know, like some of the previous, like, World War One or something like it wsn't that documented on phones, wasn't so accessible to kind of see, right? Whereas we are seeing everything now it's like right in front of us, so there can be a lot. I think the main thing is to keep on maintaining hope. Even if you do not feel as much hope, I would recommend just doing your daily routine anyway. Hope blossoms in many different ways and even in the smallest of ways like even if you're watering your plant or talking to a friend, you know like that can bring you a sense of hope. The other thing is there's always somebody in the community organizations, local communities, charities, anything like that, that are helping. So you know that there's good in the world. And you see that in a goodness in human beings. And so I think reminding yourself of that and maybe being more active in that kind of scene where you're participating in it, or those are the pages that you follow that kind of are uplifting and doing those kinds of things and partaking in the organizations that can kind of remind you that there's efforts being made. And so this can also provide you with opportunities to engage with support because a lot of those people in those organizations, they're aligned with their values in some way. If you're picking that organization. And so they may be able to resonate with some of what you're feeling. And I think even having just parameters around how much news you're listening to. Right, you don't need to know every detail of what's going on. Setting kind of time for yourself to be like, OK, this is a good time for me to catch up on current events and this is not a Great time, so yeah.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, that's huge setting those boundaries. I've fallen into that trap and I've lost sleep over it. Where you know you're scrolling and it's just, yeah, seeing everything that's going on can affect you, yeah. So Wardah can you talk about the importance of building up coping skills and resilience during the transition into adulthood and you know, maybe if you have any specific techniques or practices that you think are effective.
Wardah Elahi
Yeah. I think at any age developing coping skills and resilience is key. But especially in this one, the young adulthood stage like, I think making connections, that's a big one. A lot of people sometimes don't know how to do that because they've been on screens from a young age and they don't like face-to-face interaction is not there, so I would always highly recommend having those face-to-face interactions and learning skills like empathy and listening skills. Those are huge when you're maintaining connections and things like that, and when you maintain connections, that's a sign of resiliency. Because you can rely upon these people to comfort you in times of need.
Katherine Hurtig
So if you're working with a client that's having a hard time with that, you know, making those social connections. What kinds of exercises or ways of practicing that do you encourage them to do?
Wardah Elahi
So I do encourage them to try to talk to somebody new at least once a month, whether that be at school, in a safe environment, not necessarily just online with a stranger. Definitely be safer on those kinds of things. But yeah, like somebody you know or a mutual friend or in some way, just kind of coming up with icebreaker questions, right, like that's also another really good one so that you can ask these people those things. And then the other part is generally just trying to be curious about another human being is such an important thing. It's like you're talking to somebody with goals, hopes, and dreams, passions, right, pain. And so I think getting to know someone in an authentic way. That's a big deal.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. I've always found that if you know, if you're nervous about talking to people, just ask them questions because we love talking about ourselves.
Wardah Elahi
Everyone loves talking about themselves. So yeah, and that's a common theme that you see. And then the other part is, I also recommend local kind of meetups that happen a lot these days.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, and you can find them for any interest.
Wardah Elahi
Any interest like if you like photography or if you like hiking or if you like art like just anything. There's probably a meet-up for it because you would already have a commonality even before you get there, it's just an easy way to feel included. Appreciated longing. Yeah, exactly.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, and a sense of belonging. Yeah, sure. Nice. So I remember when I was in my 20s, and I mean still now there's that feeling like there's this pressure to kind of follow a certain path and hit these certain milestones. Like, you know, you graduate high school, you go to university. You know, you find someone to be with, you get married, you buy a house, you do all these things. And in this order. So how do you address the pressure to achieve these milestones? Yeah. What advice do you give to young people who kind of may feel overwhelmed by all those?
Wardah Elahi
I mean, milestone anxiety is a real thing. A lot of times I feel like when our age group now like, well, not ours, but the age group younger than us when they look at these milestones, they just kind of see their parents right, like we see that our parents got a house at a certain age, had kids at a certain age, or finished their degree at a certain age. I think what we fail to realize is there is a huge generation gap. Like, yeah, you cannot kind of follow these same steps now, right? It's gonna look different for everybody. It was an easier time back then too, like prices. They're more affordable for houses. Job stability was there more and social media didn't add that pressure as well, a lot, right? Like back then, it wasn't so much about appearances or you weren't aware of what you were lacking maybe because you didn't see it like you were happy with what you had.
Katherine Hurtig
Right. Yeah, that's a good point.
Wardah Elahi
Looking at that. And then trying to become friends with I guess your inner critic, that's a big one, is just trying to find ways to relate to it or even challenge what it's saying, right? Like a lot of our thoughts, we don't have to listen to them. If your thoughts are very negative, like, that's your cue to be like, you know what? Like I need to put an end to this thought and I don't need to listen to what it's saying. Because it's not true what it's saying.
Katherine Hurtig
And then get it like these pressures. I mean we want to, we want to belong, we want to feel normal and that you know our life choices are kind of in line with what you know generally people do. But I think it's important to remind ourselves that it's OK to be different and to not do it, you know, what most other people are doing.
Wardah Elahi
Yeah. Going back to our previous conversation it's like, you know, do you even want those things right? Reaching a certain milestone doesn't automatically equate to happiness all of a sudden.
Katherine Hurtig
Exactly.
Wardah Elahi
Just because you finished your degree doesn't mean you'll be your happiest. Or just because you get a certain job doesn't mean you'll be your happiest. It's a lot of inner work that we have to do to be happy. And it's people always chasing a certain thing. Like, oh, when I go on vacation, I'll be happy because things are so miserable or, you know, but you could be miserable by the beach, like if you're not working on yourself, you totally could.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, and you can be happy at home.
Wardah Elahi
Exactly. So it's kind of. Yeah, trying to find the small joys in life.
Katherine Hurtig
And what role do family and friends play in improving mental health for young adults?
Wardah Elahi
There is a huge role because, yeah, they're people who you're surrounded with, they kind of form your ideas or you can bounce ideas off of them and there's different kinds of support that I recommend. So there's emotional support which could be people who just comfort you in times of need. And then there's more practical assistance, like a guidance counsellor, or an academic counsellor, or financial advisor. That's more practical support and emotional support could also be a therapist, psychologist, counsellor, life coach, or a mentor like anything like that. Those are such key things to have in your life, because there are people who have experiences that you don't have yet because you're young and it's important to kind of call upon other people's wisdom or experience right to kind of be like, OK, this is what they did and may not fare right with me, but at least I know what worked or didn't work for them. I remember when I was trying to go into the field I was trying to go into I would talk to a lot of professionals in that field who have already gone through that process. And even today, so many people messaged me on some of the professional platforms to reach out to say, like, hey, I'm doing this master's like how did you get through It, or could you please walk me through what the hours were like and what the coursework was like? You know, even though everyone's busy, I never mind any questions like that. I will always make time to answer and support anybody who hasn't experienced what I've experienced.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, exactly. That makes so much sense. And like what you said, it's encouraged and normal and great to reach out to financial advisors, career advisors, all that. So we should have the same kind of mindset around counselling and reaching out for help that way.
Wardah Elahi
Exactly. You do not have to do it alone.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. And kind of approaching it with that mindset of curiosity, like, I don't know this about my finances. So I'm going to ask a financial- I have some questions about my mental health and how I can handle it better. So I'm reaching out to a counselor. It's not. Yeah, it shouldn't be viewed as like there's something wrong with you, or that you know you're broken, or anything like that. It's just, you know, getting a little help.
Wardah Elahi
Yeah, it's like taking a car to the mechanic like you, we all need tune-ups and support.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, totally.
Wardah Elahi
If you have those things, then you will bounce back from really hard things quickly. Yeah. If you don't have those things, then those things can weigh you down.
Katherine Hurtig
Right. So in your work as a counsellor, how do you help young adults kind of identify and set, you know, realistic goals for themselves?
Wardah Elahi
I think the one thing that I mentioned before too is self-reflection. That’s a big thing, because that will encourage you to gain clarity about your values, interests, and priorities like everyone has different things, right? Your goals should be unique to you. And then the other thing is this is a very common one, but it's called smart goals. So. setting a smart goal so smart is an acronym and it stands for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound. And so even like, let's say, if your goal is to finish a degree, then breaking that down into very achievable small pieces as in like going to class, you know that's what's going to get you to your goal of getting a degree, or if it's job hunting then maybe applying to one or two jobs every day and that way you can celebrate some of the smaller accomplishments and goals as you go along, as opposed to waiting for something huge to happen, and then celebrating or not. Some people don't even do that. So I think, yeah, both professional and personal goals are needed. To kind of maintain a great work balance. But yeah, like you, having more actionable steps helps make progress more manageable.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. And physically writing it down and having something in front of you that's really clear can help, because if a goal is vague or not defined, then you don't know if you've got there. Like I want to work out more. Well what does that mean specifically?
Wardah Elahi
I mean specifically, it could be like one day a week or two days a week you have to be specific.
Katherine Hurtig
What's a workout?
Wardah Elahi
Yeah, like how long? And so, so, yeah. Even though I think people said a lot of New Year's resolutions as goals, which is great if you believe in New Year's resolutions. But I think what's needed more is maybe doing a quarterly resolution like a three-month resolution for the year, and then that way every three months you can reevaluate your goals cause that's another big thing people set goal. Things happen, chaos ensues, and then they're disappointed that they didn't reach that goal. It is OK to remeasure, reevaluate, you know, pause and see. OK, now that I know all these things this goal is still a right fit for me. Right. So let's say you go into a certain program, in a degree and then you realize it's terrible.
Wardah Elahi
Like I did with chemistry. Like I was like, no, this is not for me, right? And then reevaluated and now obviously I'm not a chemical engineer or something.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. Like how can we differentiate between, I mean, you know, normal stressors because, I mean, not every day is going to be sunshine and rainbows like, how can we differentiate between normal stressors and worries versus signs of something, you know, a little more serious or and concerning around our mental health.
Wardah Elahi
Yeah. So there are different types of stresses. There is productive stress that kind of motivates us. It's short-term. It could include academic or career-related stress, financial stress, relationship challenges, or any kind of life transition responsibilities like it could include a lot, right? Those are still considered normal stresses. But if there's persistence in those stresses, so they're not going away, they're not short term, you aren't getting a chance to recover in between stresses. And they're becoming kind of chronic. There's persistent sadness or anxiety. You notice a significant change in your appetite or sleep. Huge weight loss or weight gain. Reliance successively on alcohol or substances like that. Or if you have thoughts of suicide or self-harm, right, that is a cue for you to be like you know what? Like I need help and I need to reach out. Yeah, but if, yeah, if you're able to cope and if things are, you know, like they're short-term and manageable and in small pieces that you can kind of cope with as they come, amazing. But if it's affecting your quality of life and your relationships and your career negatively, then you need to reach out.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. So important. So we mentioned in the beginning that you know, adulthood, involves just a lot of transition. Now it can be to a new school, a new job, a new city, whatever that may be. How do you support clients and how do you recommend people support themselves and kind of manage these transitions while maintaining their mental health?
Wardah Elahi
Yeah, impostor syndrome can rear its head a lot in these situations. That usually comes up, especially if you're in a new job or new career and you feel inexperienced but always remember, like you had to start somewhere. It's more about self-reflection, self-awareness, training, and getting that feedback that always helps.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. And taking that pressure off of ourselves, of being perfect, it's not going to happen.
Wardah Elahi
Yeah, 100%. There is no such thing as perfection. It's who has set these goals. It's usually they're ourselves, or maybe somewhat society, but even society isn't reaching their own expectations.
Katherine Hurtig
Exactly. So with everything, you know that we've got going on in our lives. You know, it can be overwhelming. So how do we balance all that?
Wardah Elahi
The first thing I usually say to that is just because you have free time doesn't mean you're available. Right. And that's a big thing. It's like a lot of times, people say like, oh, you have the weekend free. That means you know you can meet up with us or you can come here at this location. And I'm like, well, what if I just wanted the weekend to do nothing.
Katherine Hurtig
I think nothing is underrated.
Wardah Elahi
It's underrated and rest is so productive. Like if you are not resting, if you're being like, you know if you're go, go, go, which is like that sometimes for us is not an option or is less of a priority, but you don't need hours of rest on end, right? You just need at least 15 to 20 minutes for yourself. Or, you know, maybe you can just sit in your car in your driveway and not walk into your chaotic home. Just do that to take a few deep breaths and listen to some nice music and then go in. Right. Like even that is considered rest and productive, right? Like sometimes I don't have time to nap, but I'll just go lay in dark for a little bit. Yeah, I just want no stipulation like I'm not on my phone for just 15 minutes. I'll set, like, an alarm. So if I nap, I'm not napping so much. And then that's it. Like that's rejuvenating enough that I can carry on with the rest of it.
Katherine Hurtig
I can relate, I think we just consume so much. As you know, we're reading all the time. We're looking at all these videos. We're answering emails. We're talking, like just so much consumption. And just sitting quietly outside, not taking anything in. We need to do that to kind of recharge a bit.
Wardah Elahi
Exactly. Yeah. It's just little tidbits in your day, even in your work day. If you're able to just take 5 minutes where you're just drinking water and staring out in space and not doing anything else. If that's an option, then do that. You're going to find that if you do that, you're not so exhausted after work.
Katherine Hurtig
So we touched on this briefly, but I want to get into it a bit more about the impact of social media and technology and all this screen time on the mental health of young adults. What's been your experience, what are your thoughts on this?
Wardah Elahi
Well, this came up as a topic in last week's staff meeting and one of my coworkers here went to do a training on social media use. There were some very interesting tips and statistics that she was telling us about and a lot of it is like, yeah, there's a huge increase in social media use ever since the pandemic. And because of that, that's linked to an increase in anxiety and depression.
Katherine Hurtig
And why is that? Is it kind of what we talked about like, you know, the comparisons?
Wardah Elahi
You know, like comparisons, different portrayals, or a lot of times when we're using social media or anything like that, it could be for avoidance as well. Yeah. Like, you're not unless you're actively like, let's say, if you have a gaming platform where you're talking with all your friends, that's not avoidance that you're connecting based on personal interests. Right. But if you're just scrolling through something that's quite disconnected, right? Like you're not connecting unless you know it's scrolling through your friend's stuff right then you can like those things and develop those connections. But it's still a very passive connection, right? It's not, you know, it's not real real-time connections. And so that even though we're more connected than ever, there's still a lot of disconnect and that is causing depression and anxiety in young adults especially.
Katherine Hurtig
So how do we cope with that? How do we set boundaries for ourselves around these technologies? What if young adults don't even recognize that it's causing these negative feelings?
Wardah Elahi
Yeah. Well, I think the one thing is the boundaries that you talked about, right, and that can be developed by like I have a smartphone. Right. And on there, I can track my. Screen time every Sunday it sends me a notification as to what my screen time was, whether it was up from last week, whether it was down, how many- I can track my daily screen time as well, what apps I'm specifically spending time on. You know, if you're listening to podcasts, that's educational, right? Then you can kind of ignore that side of things, right? But if it says, like TikTok or Instagram or Snapchat, like, and those are primarily what you're using then, then that's concerning, right? And the other thing that was recommended when we were talking in our staff meeting is changing your phone to grayscale.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, I've heard this.
Wardah Elahi
So like because a lot of times when we're looking at things like for me it's colors, right, that's what I pay attention to. You know, that's what most people do as well. But if you're changing your phone display to grayscale like black and white, you're not going to be visually stimulated.
Katherine Hurtig
It'll be a lot less engaging.
Wardah Elahi
A lot less engaging, so I tried it. After that staff meeting for a day I had it on grayscale. My screen time was a lot less because I didn't even like picking up my phone, and even just looking at my phone background. Why does it look like that right, it was just so boring and unstimulating. And so I think sometimes we just need that kind of thing. Yeah, right. And then the other thing is also, yeah, like noticing what kind of content you're consuming, right? It's fine if you're on TikTok, right? A lot of times on TikTok I'll get great ideas for recipes. You know, like house decor like things like that. I think curating your feed right, like maybe following inspiring people or people that you look up to as role models instead of-
Katherine Hurtig
People who are putting out, you know, positive content for sure. I do like how you know some of these apps that you have that capability to say yes, I want to see more of this. No, I want to see less of this.
Wardah Elahi
Exactly. Right. Exactly. So yeah, you can say that now and pick and choose, and then you can also limit your notifications. So a lot of times we can go into settings and pick every app and select no notifications. If we're not getting it, we're less likely to pick it up
Katherine Hurtig
Totally. Yeah.
Wardah Elahi
And then also the do not disturb function is a big one. Like if you know, you need to study or do something or get something done. Just having your phone on that, people can still reach you in emergencies, but at least your phone screen is not lighting up like every two minutes because there's a notification.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, totally. And you don't even really realize how much it can impact you like that, just that little Ding. It's like, well, I've got to check it
Wardah Elahi
You gotta check it, yeah. My phone is eternally on silent.
Katherine Hurtig
With that, in emails, I could be focusing on something, but I'll hear that ding and it's like well I have to see what's going on.
Wardah Elahi
Yeah, you have to attend to it. I get that.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah Wardah, so what we talked about how unpredictable and you know, ever-changing the world is and is becoming. So how do we address, you know, these feelings of uncertainty or fear about the future that, you know, a lot of young adults are experiencing?
Wardah Elahi
I would say to normalize those feelings and validate them because it's OK to feel uncertain about things. It's OK to experience feeling lost, and sad and alone. Those are not negative things. They're just uncomfortable emotions. They're not negatives as they're painted.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, that's a really Important differentiator I think, it's like just because it's unpleasant-
Wardah Elahi
Doesn't mean you don't want to experience it or don't need to experience that.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah.
Wardah Elahi
Right, because at the end of the day, our emotions point to certain things and they motivate us. They kind of guide how we do things, how we, you know, if something feels wrong, trusting your gut instinct is an amazing thing to do, right?
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, if you're sad, if you're angry. That doesn't mean you have to put a stop to it. You should listen to it.
Wardah Elahi
Exactly, yeah, it's more tuning into it. And like you said, listening to it yeah, then kind of figuring out what that emotion needs from you, right? Like if you're feeling disconnected, you know, that emotion is telling you to connect with somebody, right? That's your option. If you're feeling hopeless, that's your cue too. How do you find hope? What are things that bring you hope right? What values do you have in place in your life that bring your life a little bit more meaning? So it's just more slowing down and listening to those emotions. Knowing that uncertainty doesn't mean that if you're feeling uncertainty it's not a cue to stop doing something, right. Like, for example, if you were in school and you were uncertain about what happens on a test, which most of us always are because we don't know all the test answers, right? Like, tests can be a surprise thing, right? So it's kind of like that didn't stop you from writing that test or, you know, for some people at least, that didn't. And if it is stopping you, that's a concern because that means there's avoidance of those emotions. Right. As opposed to kind of, you know, steering into it and kind of letting it happen and tolerating that and like uncertainty and fear, that's a big thing.
Katherine Hurtig
That's been huge in my counselling. Is this idea of uncertainty because I want certainty so bad? Well it's like, you're not going to get it.
Wardah Elahi
I mean, there's there's a huge con to that.
Katherine Hurtig
It's yeah, it's true.
Wardah Elahi
It's a really good thing to say I don't know.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah, like, yeah. And what you said about tolerating that uncertainty, I. Think that's a skill that a lot of us can benefit from building.
Wardah Elahi
Yeah. And kind of giving yourself more credit, right? Like we, we dealt with the pandemic that was highly uncertain. And we made it out of it. Like we developed coping strategies. We learned to connect in different ways. You know, some people struggled through it, of course. They're like either way, there's people that made it out of. And that can just point to our resiliency as human beings to say that we can go through incredibly unpredictable things and still, be OK.
Katherine Hurtig
And just looking back at all, on an individual level, looking back at your accomplishments or how you handled hard situations like, you know, you got through that breakup or you lost that job and that sucks. But, you know.
Wardah Elahi
Yeah, and you're okay. I think it's tolerating the what-ifs. Right, like a lot of times people are like well, what if this bad thing happens? So it's like what if it's gonna hold you back right, then that's your cue to seek out some support because A lot of things will entail the what if it's the best thing to ever happen.
Katherine Hurtig
The last couple of questions here, Wardah, how do you encourage young adults to kind of build up a practice of self-compassion and kind of embrace that imperfection that we've talked about as they kind of go through these adult challenges?
Wardah Elahi
Well, I think normalizing imperfections is the big thing. It's a natural part of our human experience. We're not meant to be perfect beings in any means. And like I said, I don't believe there's anything such as perfect. It's, you know, like embracing that a lot of things we set for ourselves and put pressure on ourselves for. And then the other thing is, yeah, the way you talk to yourself and treat yourself matters. Like, if you're always being rude to yourself like what if you said that to a loved one? What if our internal thoughts we've verbalized to our loved ones, would they still want to be part of our lives? Maybe not, because they would be like, how could you be so mean?
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. I hear a lot like the, you know, talked to yourself the way you would a friend, and it had become kind of cliche, but so much more now. It's resonating with me. And I was, you know, talking to my therapist about this kind of thing. And she suggested like, just go, like, over the top, just be so nice to yourself that it's almost silly. You made the best. A peanut butter sandwich like that was so great, Katherine. And I'm finding that it's helping.
Wardah Elahi
Yeah, it's it's just a way to retrain your brain, right? Like we, we don't have to talk to ourselves that way, like we don't deserve that. We deserve all the love and kindness. We haven't done anything so bad to be worthy of respect.
Katherine Hurtig
Yeah. No. Yeah.
Wardah Elahi
And kindness everyone, everyone should be getting respect in this world, right. Everyone has dignity. Everyone has rights. And so treating yourself in that way is also a. Good thing, yeah.
Katherine Hurtig
Right. So what resources or support do you recommend for young adults who might be struggling with their mental health, but you know, might be unsure of where to turn?
Wardah Elahi
Turn so the biggest one is 211. If you dial 211 on your phone. That's a huge resource line, at least in Alberta. For other areas that may look different, but if you call it it's 24/7, it can give you a lot of legal financial housing mental health resources. Just a bunch of different things that you could look into and the same thing like if you're struggling to buy groceries like there's a lot of resources that two on one and in itself look out for like free delivery and yeah, you know, you don't even have to drive to go pick it up like they just bring it to your door. So there's a lot out there, but 211 is a big one. Talking to your family doctor or any doctor, just like going through routine checkups. And seeing what they recommend as well, then the Distress Centre is always available in Calgary as a resource. If you just type in the Distress Centre on Google, you will find their information and the number to call and it's a 24/7 kind of number. You don't necessarily have to call them when you're in crisis, you can call them at any time and yeah. They're responsive, receptive and supportive. And then yeah, lastly would be even just our agency like there's something for every person with every kind of income and so yeah, our fees are based on sliding a scale and so reach out and if you need it because fee should never be a barrier to access any resources.
Katherine Hurtig
Thank you so much. Wardah for taking the time to talk about this today.
Wardah Elahi
Yeah, it was lovely to chat.
Katherine Hurtig
You've been listening to Living Fully, the Calgary Counselling Centre podcast. Thank you for tuning in.
Be sure to check out the show notes for a list of Alberta Resources mentioned in this episode.
This episode was produced by Luiza Campos, Jenna Forbes, and by me, Katherine Hurtig.
A special thanks to Wardah Elahi. To stay up to date on our latest episodes, be sure to subscribe. We're available in your favourite podcast app.
Living Fully is a production of Calgary Counselling Centre and recorded in Calgary on Treaty 7 Territory. Living Fully podcast is not a substitute or alternative for professional care or treatment. Calgary Counselling Centre and Counselling Alberta provide effective counselling for anyone in Alberta with no wait list and no financial barriers. Find us online at calgarycounselling.com or counsellingalberta.com. For help across Canada and the United States, call 211. If you are outside of Canada and the US seek help from your general medical practitioner.