One of the many ways that the pandemic has flipped our lives upside-down, is the amount of time we’re spending at home with our partners. This forced closeness, at a time when there is already heightened feelings of fear and anxiety, has the potential to put a strain on even the best of relationships. But it is possible to keep your relationship strong while spending more time together at home.

Here are some ways to keep your relationship healthy and thriving during a lockdown:

What is a healthy relationship?

To start, let’s define what a “healthy relationship” looks like. Healthy relationships bring out the best version of you. Both you and your partner feel cared about, respected, and supported. This doesn’t mean that you’re happy all the time or that conflict won’t arise, but you’re able to handle difficult emotions and disagreements with care and courtesy. These are some characteristics of a healthy relationship:

• Trust and honesty

• Independence

• Appreciation

• Affection and physical intimacy

• Open communication

• Kindness

• Healthy conflict resolution

• Fun and playfulness

Every person and relationship is unique – what makes one relationship thrive may not work for another. Consider the following tips to help your relationship stay strong through the pandemic.

Make time for self-care

Although we are social creatures, and connection with other people is very important, it can be difficult when we’re put in a situation where we’re spending 24/7 with another person. Time by ourselves to take care of our needs and process our feelings are vital for our mental health and the health of our relationships with others. It’s healthy and normal to take breaks from each other. Make sure you carve out time to take care of yourself, do things you enjoy, and check in with how you’re doing.

If both you and your partner are working from home, try to have separate work spaces. Take turns with household responsibilities and child care so each of you can have that needed time alone. Work as a team to ensure that both of you get the time you need to decompress and relax.

We may be limited in the activities we can do at the moment, but take advantage of your time alone, practice self-care, and spend time doing things that energize you and that you enjoy.

• Go for a walk

• Play video games

• Go for a drive

• Meditate

• Read a book

• Journal

Check in with each other

We’re all taking our current situation day-by-day. Some days it’s easy to see the positives and remain grateful. Other days can feel a lot harder to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone is going to experience these ups and downs. Make a point to regularly check-in with your partner – ask them how they’re doing, and if there’s anything you can do to support them. Try to put emphasis on the things that are going well: talk about the accomplishments from your day, tell each other something that made you smile or laugh, talk about happy memories you share.

Spend intentional, quality time together

It’s easy to get into a mindless routine of just watching tv together on the couch or scrolling through social media without really engaging with your partner. To keep the joy in your relationship, it helps to be intentional with the time you spend together. Even if date nights out aren’t in the cards right now, you can still plan fun activities together that can bring you closer as a couple:

• Play games

• Sign up for an online course together

• Visit a museum online

• Read out loud to each other

• Dress up and cook a meal together you haven’t tried

• Plan a longer term project you can work on together – a home renovation, an art project, or even a puzzle!

What to do when tensions rise

Couples fight sometimes – this is normal. But it’s important how you handle disagreements with you partner. When we’re angry or frustrated we can let our emotions get the best of us and say or do things that we normally wouldn’t if our feelings weren’t so strong.

Self-awareness is key to de-escalating a tense situation. Try to become aware of your emotional state. Your body will give you cues – your heartbeat may increase; your tone of voice may change – notice how you feel emotionally and physically. If you feel tension rising during a conversation, slow the conversation down, take deep breathes, remind yourself that you do have control over how you respond. It can be helpful to step away for a little while if an argument becomes heated. Let your partner know that this might not be the best time to have this conversation, but you do care about them and what they have to say. Come back to the conversation when both of you have had time to calm down and relax. Conflict is inevitable in relationships. No one is perfect. But we have a choice when it comes to how we respond to conflict.

Get help if you need it

Every relationship will go through highs and lows. And sometimes, despite our best efforts, we can find ourselves at a place in our relationship where we feel a bit lost. Maybe one of you feels hurt or betrayed, or you’re having a hard time letting the other know what you need. Couples can face all sorts of speed bumps in their time together, and sometimes they need a little help getting over the bump. There is no shame in reaching out for help when you want to make your relationship better. A counsellor can help you and your partner build your skills as a couple so your relationship can thrive. Learn more about how counselling can help your relationship.

Information for this blog was provided by registered social worker, Marcus Cheung. Learn more about our counsellors.