It's always the final straw. Every time I say, "this time I'm leaving, I can't keep doing this, this is the final straw." But it never is. I always stay. Whether it's for him, for our child, or our extended family. I always convince myself to stay.

Until that day.

It was as if he wore a mask while we were out. A mask of a doting husband and loving father, but once we got in the house, the mask was thrown off and the abusive man would appear. I could put up with the financial instability. I could put up with the drunken name calling. I could even put up with the grabbing, shaking and hitting. But the day Charlie got hurt was the day I had to leave. The day I had to be brave for my son and myself.

It wasn’t hard to figure out where to reach out for help once I was ready to leave. As a teen, I had been in counselling a few times, and I knew I could get help if I reached out again.

Once I left my partner, I had to deal with my subconscious anxiety and loss of identity and my counsellor helped me with that. She was so empathetic, kind, and intuitive. She knew how to tap into the traumas and fears that I wasn’t even aware I was experiencing. She helped build me up from broken pieces on the floor.

There was a period of time where I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to continue counselling because I just couldn’t afford it anymore. I was in school and had to take care of my son and I wasn’t receiving any child support. I didn’t want to stop counselling. It was helping me so much and I was afraid if I stopped it would affect all the progress I was making. My counsellor told me they could adjust the fees to make it possible for me to continue counselling. It turns out CCC has a sliding fee scale policy that makes sure everyone gets a fee they can afford.

When I first left my partner, my counsellor and our one-on-one sessions really helped support me, and after that, group counselling helped me unpack everything I had gone through. Everything I had put in a box and stored away in my brain, thinking it was over and dealt with.

Through my weeks in group therapy, I was able to open up about what I was going through. It felt like a safe space. The other women in the group came from similar pasts, so there was no judgement. These women even helped me find more help outside of counselling. They had similar experiences so they knew who I could turn to and where to go when my son and I felt like we were in danger from my ex-husband. Most of all, the group proved to me that I wasn’t alone. To go from a situation that was extremely isolating and shameful to being empowered by those incidents was something I honestly didn’t think could ever happen. To be able talk about moments from the past that we’re so traumatic and horrible and not breakdown or feel like I was worthless was amazing. Even today, I can think and talk about my past without feeling shameful or insignificant.

Now, I feel like a super woman because I have that perspective, I can see the bigger picture. I look back and see the fire I walked through, and know other people have walked through similar fires and made it through. And even though the fire may have left scars, those scars add to the beauty of my success and happiness at this point in my life. My son is healthy and happy. I’ve finished school and am working in the career of my dreams and I’m confident about myself and my future. There is a way out, and there is help if you need it. You’re not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, we can help. Register for counselling today.