When you’re feeling sad or stressed, what do you do? What actions do you take to try and feel better? Do you reach for the ice cream? Press the snooze button? Take a long walk? Maybe pour yourself a glass of wine? There are things we can do or ways we can choose to help manage stress in our lives. Some may help in the moment but may not be good in the long run.

A coping tool is an action you take when you want to relieve an unwanted feeling. These can be positive or negative; healthy or unhealthy.

We can’t avoid the ups and downs life brings us and we all go through times in our lives when we experience stress. When those times hit, having healthy coping tools can make a huge difference. If we don’t have positive ways to cope with negative feelings, it can impact our mental health and well-being and in some cases make the situation even worse.

Unhealthy coping tools are used to escape, avoid, or numb what we’re experiencing.

Examples of unhealthy coping tools:

• Substance use and addictions: alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc.

• Self-harm: cutting, pulling out hair, hitting etc.

• Self-isolation: pushing people away, closing off, etc.

• Avoidance:* social isolation, evading uncomfortable conversations, etc.

• Procrastination: putting off work or task you need to accomplish

Choosing unhealthy coping tools can end up impacting relationships, work, well-being and health.

Healthy coping tools on the other hand, can help deal with the negative feelings and help improve our quality of life. Healthy coping tools can help prevent mental health problems and build resiliency. They can also increase  self-confidence and self-reliance. 

Examples of healthy coping tools:

• Hobbies: painting, reading, gardening, etc.

• Physical activity: walking, running, biking etc.

• Connecting to other people and nature: spending time with friends, going for a hike etc.

• Mindfulness: starting a meditation practice, taking moments throughout the day to focus on your senses etc.

• Self-awareness: knowing your emotional triggers, setting boundaries etc.

Recognizing unhealthy coping tools

Take time to reflect on whether the coping tools you’re using are healthy or unhealthy. If you use a coping tool and it doesn’t give you the outcome you wanted, it’s a good sign that it probably isn’t helpful for you. Think about how you feel after using a coping tool – are your unwanted feelings alleviated or not? Look at short-term and long-term consequences. Is the coping tool sustainable and does it increase your well-being?

Replacing unhealthy coping tools

Changing your behaviour and adopting more healthy coping tools can be easier said than done.

For example, if someone is addicted to alcohol and using it to cope, it’s not realistic to tell them to stop drinking overnight.

To help with this change first add a healthy coping tool – perhaps starting a routine of taking a walk in the evenings. The more you use the healthy coping tool, the easier it will be to stop the unhealthy ones.  The healthier tools will provide better outcomes and will give you a sense of empowerment because you’re choosing something that’s healthy for you, rather than feeling controlled by something that isn’t.

Another example - someone is afraid of uncomfortable conversations is also unlikely to be able to start having those difficult conversations all of the sudden. Regardless of the unhealthy coping tool, it is unlikely that one can simply "switch" the behaviour. Have patience with yourself and the process of coping with negative feelings and situations. Take small steps to slowly introduce healthy ways to cope that will both alleviate what you’re feeling and give you a sense of accomplishment.

Finding the right coping tools can be a process of trial and error. There are things that will work for you and there are things that won’t. If you try something and it doesn’t work don’t get discouraged try something else until you find the right coping tool.  

If you need help, talk to a counsellor. A counsellor can help you through this process and in identifying the right healthy coping tool for you.

Information for this blog post was provided by registered social worker Becca Anderson and registered psychologist Lara Rae. Learn more about our counsellors.

*behaviours that help avoid dealing with difficult situations